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There was nothing, nothing to depend on. And why was I surprised?
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I wondered if emotions were like menstrual cycles, if you get enough women together. Give it time, and everyone was crying.
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Pieces and parts were always easier to process. The full picture, the entire story, was another thing entirely. But you just never knew. Sometimes, people could surprise you.
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Why does she have wings?' So she can fly.
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He doesn’t love me. He might still love me as I was at fifteen, when I didn’t know any better. When I trusted everyone. I’m not that person any more. He’s just a boy. He was the first to really hurt me, but he’s just a boy. There were a lot of them.
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There was something so heavy about the burden of history, of the past. I wasn't sure I had it in me to keep looking back.
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Something had changed in me, even if I didn't know what it was just yet. All I could think was that I felt alive for the first time.
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Some things you don't have to tell. Some things, between sisters, are understood.
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It's a choice, Annabel. And if you make the wrong one, you have only yourself to blame when there are consequences.
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I don't think anyone would think that an ellipsis represents doubt or anything. I think it's more, you know, hinting at the future. What lies ahead.
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That was the thing about being alone, in theory or in principle. Whatever happened - good, bad, or anywhere in between - it was always, if nothing else, all your own.
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Don't be a fool. Don't give up something important to hold onto someone who can't even say they love you.
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What is family? They were the people who claimed you. In good, in bad, in parts or in whole, they were the ones who showed up, who stayed there, regardless.
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But if everything was always smooth and perfect, you'd get too used to that, you know? You have to have a little bit of disorganization now and then. Otherwise, you'll never really enjoy it when things go right.
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Maybe it was just part of growing up with someone. Once you have a rhythm and stay with it long enough, it's not hard to find again.
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Sometimes it seems safer to hold it all in, where the only person who can judge is yourself.
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What did it feel like, I wondered, to love someone that much? So much that you couldn't even control yourself when they came close, as if you might just break free of whatever was holding you and throw yourself at them with enough force to easily overwhelm you both.
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People get mad Annabel. Its not the end of the world.
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Told you. Everything sounds better in the car wash.
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So many times it seemed like there were chances to stop things before they started. Or even stop them in midstream. But it was even worse when you knew in that very moment that there was still time to save yourself, and yet you couldn't even budge.
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I knew this feeling, the 2 a.m. loneliness that I'd practically invented.
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From up above, in a plane passing over, you’d just see one little light in all this dark, with no idea of the lives that were being lived within it, and in the house beside, and beside that one. So much happening in the world, night and day, hour by hour. It was no wonder we were meant to sleep, if only to check out of it for a little while.
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You knew the truth all along, Colie. That's all matters. You knew.
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I would have thought this would make me feel better.. getting to be the one to leave and not the one left behind. But it didn't. Not at all.