- All Quotes
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I think people don't understand that comedy is an outlet for me. Comedy allows me to get outside of myself, and exercise this thing that is still kind of scary to me.
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I don't really have aspirations to be Tom Hanks.
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Well, I could be wrong, but I believe diversity is an old, old wooden ship that was used during the Civil War era.
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What’s the point of being bad when there’s nothing good to stop you?
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I just kind of have a comedic looking body, I guess. If anything I really have to exercise just to not look too fudgy, otherwise I would just keep going and going.
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I built a jail in my closet and I would incarcerate my family from time to time.
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I'm a really good swimmer.
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I would love to play Simon Cowell in a movie - heck, I would love it. It would be my dream role.
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I think anyone who has, you know, is in any sort of artistic pursuit, kind of goes up and down with the way they feel about their work. And I, for the most part, am pretty happy person. But, yeah. I go through definite periods of time where I'm not funny. I'm not good. I'm - I don't feel original.
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Some artists are definitely trying to do different styles. Some, not a lot. But even from what you've seen [of] Outkast, Kanye West, and Lil' Wayne, and different people expressing their way of evolving in hip-hop. In the evolution of hip-hop, they're doing different things. And you've seen hip-hop have more of a global presence and impact on the world.
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I've got no dark secrets, I wasn't beaten up, my parents were kind to me and there was a low crime rate where we lived. Maybe that's where the comedy comes from, as some sort of reaction to the safe, boring suburbs.
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I often don't think a lot about the ramifications of anything I do.
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The funny guy doesn't get the girl until later in life. High school, college, everyone still wants the brooding, dangerous guy you shouldn't have.
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I've not been able to avoid periods of time where I felt super-lonely. Luckily, I have a side that is able to always see the glass as half-full.
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When I first started doing sketch comedy, I promised myself that if I were ever to have any success in this business, I wouldn't hold back. Why get there and play it safe?
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When you're doing an out-and-out comedy, the notion of preparing for a character - I hope I don't reveal too much of myself here - but, uh, no, I'm not doing anything.
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I think my new iPhone 5S is broken. I pressed the home button and I'm still at work
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I love playing the macho guy who looks like an idiot.
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I was never a class clown or anything like that, but I do remember being in the first grade and my teacher, Mr. Chad, told the class one day that we were going to do some exercises. He meant math exercises, but I stood up and started doing jumping jacks. To this day, I don't know what possessed me to do that, but all my friends cracked up.
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Everyone I know who skis is dead.
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Black, white, yellow, brown - we wanted somebody who would do right by us. And I think because Obama was that person, whether he was black or white, he was chosen
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I want to thank Jesus, and by Jesus I mean Jesus Hernandez, my bodyguard
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I've always been noted for being original and doing different thing. So for me to hop on the train that's going on would be - shoot, if I wanted to hop on the train, I might as well have hopped on gangsta rap back when it was popular and tried to do that.
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But for fatherhood advice, try to look your child in the eye.... Get to know their name; that becomes important when you want something. And remember to feed them. That's about all you need.