Milton Berle Quotes
Quotes to Explore
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I work hard to let my wife know how much I love her. I try to do that every day.
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Some of us are like the Dead Sea, always taking in but never giving out, because we are not rightly related to the Lord Jesus.
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To my wife 'I told you I was sick'.
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My wife uses fabric softener. I never knew what that stuff was for. Then I noticed women coming up to me, sniffing, then saying under their breath, "Married!" and walking away. Fabric Softeners are how our wives mark their territory. We can take off the ring, but it's hard to get that April fresh scent out of your clothes.
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We learned sexual technique from our dog. He taught how to beg, and he taught my wife how to roll over and play dead.
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My wifes cooking is so bad the flys fix our screens.
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When we got married, the first thing my wife did was put everything under both names - hers and her mother's.
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My wife has to be the worst cook. I've got the only dog who begs for alka-seltzer.
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When we got married my wife told me I was one in a million. I found out she was right.
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When I told my wife she was lousy in bed - she went out - she got a second opinion.
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I asked him "Who said you could fool around with my wife" he said everybody.
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My wife made me join a bridge club... I jump off next Tuesday.
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My wife and I have Olympic sex. Once every four years.
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Sure I smoked pot in hospital. My wife won't let me toke at home.
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With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me.
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My personal time is limited, more so than I wish. However, my wife and I have talked about the fact that there are opportunities right now that won't be there forever. For example, when the Grateful Dead offered me to tour in 2004, my first reaction was to say no, I just can't do it. Then my wife said, "Well, let's rethink this. You don't want to look back down the road and say, I could've done that, but I said no." So, we made it work.
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One of the best gifts my wife could ever give me was my two little boys.
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My wife and kids maybe beg to differ, but I am generally a good guy.
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I am willing to remain and play the man's game if there are not enough boats for more than the women and children. Tell my wife I played the game straight out and to the end. No woman shall be left aboard this ship because Ben Guggenheim is a coward.
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the natural condition is one of insurmountable obstacles on the road to imminent disaster. strangely enough it all works out in the end... it's a mystery.
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And one of the three great things in the world is gossip, you know. First there's religion; and then there's science; and there's-and then there's friendly gossip. Those are the three-the three great things.
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My wife calls our waterbed the Dead Sea.
