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My dog was barking at everyone the other day. Still, what can you expect from a cross-breed.
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A woman tells her doctor, 'I've got a bad back.' The doctor says, 'It's old age.' The woman says, 'I want a second opinion.' The doctor says: 'Okay - you're ugly as well.'
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So I knocked on the door at this bed & Breakfast and a lady stuck her head out of the window and said: 'What do you want', I said, 'I want to stay here'. She said, 'Well stay there' and shut the window.
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Doctor, I can't pronounce my F's, T's and H's.” “Well you can't say fairer than that then
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I backed horse last week at ten to one. It came in at quarter past four.
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So I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode. I said "Are you two an item?"
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A man came round in hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you can't, I had to amputate your arms"
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I went to the dentist. He said "Say Aaah." I said "Why?" He said "My dog's died."