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A jump lead walks into a bar. The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."
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I backed horse last week at ten to one. It came in at quarter past four.
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A woman tells her doctor, 'I've got a bad back.' The doctor says, 'It's old age.' The woman says, 'I want a second opinion.' The doctor says: 'Okay - you're ugly as well.'
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So I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode. I said "Are you two an item?"
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A man walks into a bar, and he said OUCH, cause it was an iron bar.
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A man came round in hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you can't, I had to amputate your arms"
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Doctor, I can't pronounce my F's, T's and H's.” “Well you can't say fairer than that then
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Went to the corner shop - bought 4 corners.