Andy Borowitz Quotes

It would be nice to spend billions on schools and roads, but right now that money is desperately needed for political ads.

Andy Borowitz

• Money
• Political
• Schools
• Spend

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Quotes to Explore

• I've never been a partier.

  

  Victoria Justice
  • Never
  • Been

• Anyone who is interested in the psychology of children will have observed that whereas one child will resist temptation or seduction, another will easily yield to it. There are children who will hardly oppose any resistance to the invitation of an unknown person to follow him; others who react in an opposite way in the same circumstances.

  

  Karl Abraham
  • Children
  • Child
  • Same

• Clearly I am a very strong, top-of-the-line, always-rising-to-it personage.

  

  Lark Voorhies
  • Strong
  • Rising
  • Personage

• The usual fortune of complaint is to excite contempt more than pity.

  

  Samuel Johnson
  • More
  • Fortune
  • Pity

• I have friends who say, 'You just can't understand what it's like to be a mother until you're a mother.'

  

  Natasha Leggero
  • Friends
  • Mother
  • Understand

• I'm committed to the goal of Senate Bill 324, and that is to reduce greenhouse gas emissions.

  

  Kate Brown
  • Goal
  • Senate
  • Emissions

• I am a very loyal man and always keep my promises when I commit to something.

  

  Sam Heughan
  • Commit
  • Promises
  • Loyal

• I thought, you know the food and the diet thing is one way to start yourself onto a healthy lifestyle, but if you don't move, if you don't start exercising you're gonna deteriorate.

  

  Warren Cuccurullo Duran Duran
  • Food
  • Thought
  • Yourself

• In our tabulation of psychoanalytic results, we have classed those who stopped treatment together with those not improved. This appears to be reasonable; a patient who fails to finish his treatment, and is not improved, is surely a therapeutic failure.

  

  Hans Eysenck
  • Together
  • Failure
  • Finish

• It's hard to think of any tool, any instrument, any object in history with which so many developed so close a relationship so quickly as we have with our phones.

  

  Nancy Gibbs
  • History
  • Think
  • Relationship

• Kabir Khan is a director who goes out of his way to make his actors comfortable. He's very chilled out. He makes the environment on set very casual and friendly.

  

  Nawazuddin Siddiqui
  • Way
  • Environment
  • Director

• I can make my own decisions, I can do the music I like. If I fail, it's me failing - you know.

  

  Yandel Wisin & Yandel
  • Music
  • Me
  • Decisions

• I always had a struggle, which I still do, when you're playing a character and it's not necessarily your morals or your values. You're playing a character, but the way the media will sometimes ask you if these are your opinions, you know - they make you responsible for that, and I take issue with it because I don't believe in censorship.

  

  Katey Sagal
  • Believe
  • Character
  • Struggle

• Books are humanity in print.

  

  Barbara Tuchman
  • Humanity
  • Books
  • Print

• Programmers can be lazy.

  

  Larry Wall
  • Lazy
  • Programmers

• Why should anyone be interested in my life? It's the prurience I find so extraordinary. Why, why, oh why should my private life be of any interest to the public? The only people who should be interested are my friends.

  

  Kate O'Mara
  • People
  • Life
  • Why

• Each pineapple plant produces only one fruit per year. It can take up to two years for the pineapple to ripen, and it's important to wait, because once it's picked, it can't ripen any further. The unripe pineapple is not only horrible tasting but poisonous.

  

  Kate Christensen
  • Up
  • Important
  • Year

• If we can increase the share of Islamic finance for the world, countries can benefit - and certainly, Malaysia can benefit from that.

  

  Najib Razak
  • World
  • Share
  • Islamic

• I am she, O most bucolical juvenal, under whose charge are placed the milky mothers of the herd.

  

  Walter Scott
  • She

• Friendships are the family we make - not the one we inherit. I've always been someone to whom friendship, elective affinities, is as important as family.

  

  Salman Rushdie
  • Important
  • Family
  • Always

• I don't think you can talk about progress in art - movement, but not progress. You can speak of a point on a line for the purpose of locating things, but it's a horizontal line, not a vertical one.

  

  Donald Barthelme
  • Art
  • Purpose
  • Progress

• John Kerry is busy trying to raise money right now for his campaign. It was reported today that Kerry's hoping to raise $80 million before the Democratic convention. That's a lot of money. Yeah, Kerry has two ways to raise the $80 million: soliciting Democratic donors and going through his wife's purse.

  

  Conan O'Brien
  • Trying
  • Money
  • Today

• It would be nice to spend billions on schools and roads, but right now that money is desperately needed for political ads.

  

  Andy Borowitz
  • Money
  • Political
  • Schools