Andy Borowitz Quotes

United States, Writer
January 4, 1958

Andy Borowitz is an American writer, comedian, satirist, and actor. Borowitz is a The New York Times-bestselling author who won the first National Press Club award for humor. He is known for creating the NBC sitcom The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and the satirical column The Borowitz Report.

Also known as Comedian, Satirist, Actor

You can return all the Christmas gifts you want, but you will never get back the time spent with your relatives.

Andy Borowitz
- Time
- Return
- Gifts
Now that we all agree contraception is a bad idea, let's take a harder look at electricity and soap.

Andy Borowitz
- Idea
- Electricity
- Soap

Thanks to Facebook, I never forget the birthdays of people I don't really know.

Andy Borowitz
Other countries care for their mentally ill. Making them debate on TV is just cruel.

Andy Borowitz
It would be nice to spend billions on schools and roads, but right now that money is desperately needed for political ads.

Andy Borowitz
- Money
- Political
- Schools
The separation of church and state has been a cornerstone of American democracy for over two hundred years. Getting rid of it was long overdue.

Andy Borowitz
- Church
- State
- Separation
Call me a dreamer, but I think it would be great if getting medical attention were as easy as getting a gun.

Andy Borowitz
- Easy
- Gun
- Getting
Maybe this is crazy, but I think the right to own a gun is trumped by the right not to be shot by one.

Andy Borowitz
- Right
- Gun
- Shot

The baby Jesus was the last homeless person the Republicans liked.

Andy Borowitz
The hardest thing about life is that every now and then you have to do things so you have something to tweet about.

Andy Borowitz
- Life
- Hardest
- Tweet
Getting your news from Twitter is like asking a cat for directions.

Andy Borowitz
- Cat
- News
- Twitter
It used to be that people could be painfully boring in private. Facebook changed all that.

Andy Borowitz
- Changed
- Boring
- Private