Andy Borowitz Quotes

Now that we all agree contraception is a bad idea, let's take a harder look at electricity and soap.

Andy Borowitz

• Idea
• Electricity
• Soap
• Contraception

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Quotes to Explore

• Dad said that he was prouder of me than he'd ever been when I came out.

  

  Randy Harrison
  • Me
  • Dad
  • Said

• Shimeji are those odd-looking clusters of small mushrooms you often find in so-called 'exotic' selections at the supermarket. They have an appealing firmness that is retained during light cooking.

  

  Yotam Ottolenghi
  • Small
  • Light
  • Cooking

• Seed investing is the status symbol of Silicon Valley. Most people don't want Ferraris, they want a winning seed investment.

  

  Sam Altman
  • People
  • Winning
  • Seed

• When we shoot 'Scrubs' I spend every waking hour of my life in an abandoned and haunted hospital. All I can date there are ghosts and they tend to be horrible snugglers.

  

  Zach Braff
  • Life
  • My Life
  • I Can

• I think personal beliefs of everybody shape everybody.

  

  Sam Brownback
  • Think
  • Personal
  • Beliefs

• It's really rare to come across a character, a show, or a movie that allows you to completely play four or five different characters within a season, let alone a week.

  

  Omari Hardwick
  • Different
  • Character
  • Movie

• The thing about the Internet is that you can write something... for a very narrow audience and make a living at it.

  

  Randall Munroe
  • You
  • Internet
  • Living

• I've tried coconut water straight up before, and to me, it's a little funky.

  

  Yvonne Strahovski
  • Me
  • Water
  • Little

• There's a lot of females that hustle, just like men hustle.

  

  Fetty Wap
  • Men
  • Like
  • Hustle

• I am a huge wrestling fan. I would say The Rock is my favorite person to watch for obvious reasons.

  

  Paige VanZant
  • Rock
  • Wrestling
  • Favorite

• There is no job that is America's God-given right anymore.

  

  Carly Fiorina
  • God
  • Job
  • America

• The West hasn't reached its universal state as yet, although its close to it, but it certainly has evolved out of its warring state phase, which it was in for a couple of centuries.

  

  Samuel P. Huntington
  • Couple
  • Close
  • West

• I always think I have a chance, and I always give it all I've got.

  

  Dan Webster
  • Think
  • Always
  • Chance

• Many years ago... many, many years ago, I brought up a boy, and I said to him, 'Son, if you ever become a writer, try to write a good part for your old man sometime.' Well, by cracky, that's what he did!

  

  Walter Huston
  • Up
  • Good
  • Man

• You have to be quite stupid to act.

  

  Rachel Weisz
  • You
  • Stupid
  • Act

• I think between 2014 and 2015, I made weight five times in 11 months. During that time, I felt my body change. It was able to hold on to more weight. And anybody who makes weight knows that it gets harder and harder to make weight once you've done it that many times.

  

  Rafael dos Anjos
  • Time
  • Done
  • Change

• I am lactose intolerant, and I always thought it was really funny how people who are lactose intolerant continue to eat dairy, because they like it so much. And I find it not acceptable.

  

  Lake Bell
  • People
  • Funny
  • Thought

• As a woman, and as a working mom trying to get things done, you find yourself meeting adversity a lot, but you never talk about it because you don't want to bring attention to it. You don't want to go there.

  

  Kate Hudson
  • Trying
  • Done
  • Attention

• I and my public understand each other very well: it does not hear what I say, and I don't say what it wants to hear.

  

  Karl Kraus
  • Understand
  • Say
  • Wants

• Censorship may be useful for the preservation of morality, but can never be so for its restoration.

  

  G. D. H. Cole
  • May

• I love the idea of the 'vignette,' which is associated with the decorative, illustrative, small, and thus with the feminine, and thus easily maligned. I mean, Emily Dickinson wrote vignettes, right?

  

  Kate Bernheimer
  • Mean
  • Idea
  • Feminine

• Antitrust is the way that the government promotes markets when there are market failures. It has nothing to do with the idea of free information.

  

  Bill Gates
  • Way
  • Government
  • Idea

• Now that we all agree contraception is a bad idea, let's take a harder look at electricity and soap.

  

  Andy Borowitz
  • Idea
  • Electricity
  • Soap