Andy Borowitz Quotes
Now that we all agree contraception is a bad idea, let's take a harder look at electricity and soap.
Quotes to Explore
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Dad said that he was prouder of me than he'd ever been when I came out.
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Shimeji are those odd-looking clusters of small mushrooms you often find in so-called 'exotic' selections at the supermarket. They have an appealing firmness that is retained during light cooking.
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Seed investing is the status symbol of Silicon Valley. Most people don't want Ferraris, they want a winning seed investment.
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When we shoot 'Scrubs' I spend every waking hour of my life in an abandoned and haunted hospital. All I can date there are ghosts and they tend to be horrible snugglers.
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I think personal beliefs of everybody shape everybody.
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It's really rare to come across a character, a show, or a movie that allows you to completely play four or five different characters within a season, let alone a week.
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The thing about the Internet is that you can write something... for a very narrow audience and make a living at it.
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I've tried coconut water straight up before, and to me, it's a little funky.
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There's a lot of females that hustle, just like men hustle.
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I am a huge wrestling fan. I would say The Rock is my favorite person to watch for obvious reasons.
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There is no job that is America's God-given right anymore.
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The West hasn't reached its universal state as yet, although its close to it, but it certainly has evolved out of its warring state phase, which it was in for a couple of centuries.
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I always think I have a chance, and I always give it all I've got.
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Many years ago... many, many years ago, I brought up a boy, and I said to him, 'Son, if you ever become a writer, try to write a good part for your old man sometime.' Well, by cracky, that's what he did!
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I want to serve the people.
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You have to be quite stupid to act.
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I think between 2014 and 2015, I made weight five times in 11 months. During that time, I felt my body change. It was able to hold on to more weight. And anybody who makes weight knows that it gets harder and harder to make weight once you've done it that many times.
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I am lactose intolerant, and I always thought it was really funny how people who are lactose intolerant continue to eat dairy, because they like it so much. And I find it not acceptable.
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Take off all your clothes and walk down the street waving a machete and firing an Uzi, and terrified citizens will phone the police and report, There's a naked person outside!
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I like the idea of a proportional tax. That way you pay according to your ability.
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The only way we can give our children the best education in the world and prepare them for the next century is by funding the programs that serve them.
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Now that we all agree contraception is a bad idea, let's take a harder look at electricity and soap.
