Wilson Mizner Quotes
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I can usually judge a fellow by what he laughs at.
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I've had ample contact with lawyers, and I'm convinced that the only fortune they ever leave is their own.
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A good party is where you enjoy good people, and they taste even better with Champagne.
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The most efficient water power in the world - women's tears.
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Gambling: The sure way of getting nothing for something.
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There is something about a closet that makes a skeleton terribly restless.
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The day which we fear as our last is but the bday of eternity. - By SenecaThe first hundred years are the hardest.
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A drama critic is a person who surprises the playwright by informing him what he meant.
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A fellow who is always declaring that he's no fool, usually has his suspicions.
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The cuckoo who is on to himself is halfway out of the clock.
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In the battle of existence, Talent is the punch; Tact is the clever footwork.
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Do not be desirous of having things done quickly. Do not look at small advantages. Desire to have things done quickly prevents their being done thoroughly. Looking at small advantages prevents great affairs from being accomplished.
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Florida was invented for Addison Mizner's little brother.
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Easy street is a blind alley.
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He's a trellis for varicose veins.
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Some of the greatest love affairs I've known have involved one actor-unassisted.
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If you count all your assets you always show a profit.
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A slave has but one master. An ambition man, has as many as there are people who helped him get his fortune.
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Hollywood is a sewer with service from the Ritz Carlton.
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Over in Hollywood they almost made a great picture, but they caught it in time.
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The worst-tempered people I've ever met were people who knew they were wrong.
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The best way to keep your friends is not to give them away.
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It's getting so people no longer count the silverware when I come to dinner.
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I want a priest, a rabbi and a Protestant minister. I want to hedge my bets.