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I used to think I was the only one who felt things. but I really am only one infinitely small part of an aching humanity. It’s a good thing most people bleed on the inside or this would really be a gory, blood-smeared earth.
Beatrice Sparks -
She didn't know whether she was running away from something or running to something, but she admitted that deep in her heart she wanted to go home.
Beatrice Sparks
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This morning when I left Mom's parting words were, "Come straight home after school." Wow! Like I'm going to get stoned at 3:30—it doesn't sound so bad at that.
Beatrice Sparks -
Color intermingled with color. People intermingled with people. Color and people intercoursing together.
Beatrice Sparks -
We are all in natural high, It was better than dope or booze or anything.
Beatrice Sparks -
Adolescents have a very rocky insecure time. Grown-ups treat them like children and yet expect them to act like adults. They give them orders like little animals, then expect them to react like mature, and always rational, self-assured persons of legal stature.
Beatrice Sparks -
I hope they never have to go through the kind of soul searching that I am going through.
Beatrice Sparks -
It’s a terrible thing but it seems like tragedy brings people together, makes them more supportive, more dependent.
Beatrice Sparks
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I bet the pill is harder to get than drugs--which shows how screwed up this world really is!
Beatrice Sparks -
I feel rotten but I can’t change the way I feel.
Beatrice Sparks -
They don’t think “I care,” “I hurt,” or “I have feelings.” It just seems like I’m always “wrong,” always “selfish,” always “self-centered” and everything else that’s negative and destructive.
Beatrice Sparks -
I wanted to tell them! I wanted more than anything in the world to know that they understood, but naturally they just kept on talking and talking because they are incapable of really understanding anything. If only parents would listen! If only they would let us talk instead of forever and eternally and continuously harping and preaching and nagging and correcting and yacking, yacking, yacking! But they won’t listen! They simply won’t or can’t or don’t want to listen, and we kids keep winding up back in the same old frustrating, lost, lonely corner with no one to relate to either verbally or physically.
Beatrice Sparks -
I feel like Alice in Wonderland. Maybe Lewis G Carroll was on drugs too.
Beatrice Sparks -
Alone. The saddest word in the world.
Beatrice Sparks
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Felt great, free, abandoned, a different, improved, perfected specimen of a different, improved, perfected species. It was wild! It was beautiful! It really was.
Beatrice Sparks -
You can’t do anything to please anybody or say anything to please them or even dress so they’ll be happy and give you a smile.
Beatrice Sparks -
What do you know about love? Are your feelings more holy than mine? Am I exempt from the knowledge of love until I become “of age?” Do I automatically become human enough when I start loving you and seeing things your way?
Beatrice Sparks -
It all seems so permanent, so old and new at the same time. But I wonder if I will ever feel completely new again. Or will I spend the rest of my life feeling like a walking disease?
Beatrice Sparks -
I wouldn't intentionally hurt anyone in this whole world. I wouldn't hurt them physically or emotionally, how then can people so consistently do it to me? Even my parents treat me like I'm stupid and inferior and ever short. I guess I'll never measure up to anyone's expectations. I surely don't measure up to what I'd like to be.
Beatrice Sparks -
I wanted to ask God to help me but I could utter only words, dark, useless words which fell on the floor beside me and rolled off into the corners and underneath the bed.
Beatrice Sparks
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I'm afraid to hope but I can't help it, and the idea of hoping in this most hopeless of all places makes me want to cry.
Beatrice Sparks -
I'm not really sure which parts of myself are real and which parts are things I've gotten from books.
Beatrice Sparks -
Depressed? No one in the world but a doper could know the true opposite of depressed.
Beatrice Sparks -
…I’d have died without them books. Even now I’m not really sure which parts of myself are real and which parts are things I’ve gotten from books.
Beatrice Sparks