Red Skelton Quotes
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I've put on a lot of weight... I only weighed six and a half pounds when I was born.
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I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. 'Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!' she said. So I suggested the kitchen.
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All men make mistakes, but married men find out about them sooner.
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No matter what your heartache may be, laughing helps you forget it for a few seconds.
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I don't hate my enemies. After all, I made 'em.
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There are three signs of old age: loss of memory ... I forget the other two.
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People think I am dead because they haven’t seen me around for awhile. I’m not dead, I’m very much alive, as you can see. Although, there are two things I do before I get up every morning. I look around and if I don’t smell flowers or see candles flickering I go ahead and get up.
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My doctor said I look like a million dollars - green and wrinkled.
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If by chance some day you're not feeling well and you should remember some silly thing I've said or done and it brings back a smile to your face or a chuckle to your heart, then my purpose as your clown has been fulfilled.
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Live by this credo: have a little laugh at life and look around you for happiness instead of sadness. Laughter has always brought me out of unhappy situations.
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I personally believe that each of us was put here for a purpose -- to build not to destroy. If I can make people smile, then I have served my purpose for God.
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Television: The device that brings into your living room characters you would never allow in your living room.
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Any kid will run any errand for you, if you ask at bedtime.
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I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always