Charles L. Whitfield Quotes
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They are often in a shame-based system, which attempts to cover over and even destroy the True Self.
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Paradoxically, we often feel like this false self is our natural state, the way we “should be.” This could be our addiction or attachment to being that way. We become so accustomed to being our false self that our Real Self feels guilty, like something is wrong, that we shouldn’t feel real and alive. To consider changing this problem is frightening.
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Gradually, as more and more of our needs are met, we discover a crucial truth: that we are the most influential, effective and powerful person who can help us get what we need. The more we realize this, the more we can seek out, ask for and actually realize our needs.
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As we do so, our Child Within begins to awaken and eventually to flourish, grow and create. Virginia Satir said, “We need to see ourselves as basic miracles and worthy of love.
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Many children from troubled families have difficulty relaxing and having fun. Ability to be spontaneous and to play is a need and a characteristic of our Child Within.
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We don’t have to do anything to be our True Self. It just is. If we simply let it be, it will express itself with no particular effort on our part. Indeed, any effort is usually in denying our awareness and expression of it.
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The way out is to surrender, and then to become, gradually, a co-creator of life. This is where the spiritual aspect of recovery comes into play as a powerful aid. Attendance at and working 12 Step recovery programs such as Al-Anon, Alcoholics Anonymous, Narcotics Anonymous, ACA/ACoA, CoDA, and Overeaters Anonymous and others are helpful. Other spiritual paths may also be helpful.
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It is also open to that vast and mysterious part of us that we call our unconscious. It pays attention to the messages that we receive daily from the unconscious, such as dreams, struggles and illness.
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Submitting to others, rather than affirming our own reality, is the heart of active co-dependence—we give up our own inner world in order to be accepted by others.
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Tim is learning about his high tolerance of others’ inappropriate behavior and is beginning to get free of this often subtle form of mistreatment.
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A person cannot betray another person’s True Self for long without causing serious damage to the relationship. In order to grow, the Child Within should feel trusted and be able to trust others.
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The final need is unconditional love. This is a difficult concept for many to understand.
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The mother or other parent figure(s) must attend the infant and child so that at least its safety, security and touching are met.
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Virginia Satir has suggested that we need from four to twelve hugs a day as part of our health maintenance.
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The Child Within refers to that part of each of us which is ultimately alive, energetic, creative and fulfilled; it is our Real Self - who we truly are.
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Indeed, any effort is usually in denying our awareness and expression of it.
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In order to survive, the child who cannot develop a strong True Self compensates by developing an exaggerated false or co-dependent self.
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Contacting and living from our True Self is the central task of personal growth.
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When we allow ourselves to feel these painful feelings, give them an accurate name, and when we share the grief with safe and supportive others over time, we are able to complete our grief work and thus be free of it.
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No matter which concern, problem or life-issue we may want to work on, risking and beginning to talk about it with a safe person or persons is a way out of the unnecessary burden of remaining silent. And when we tell our story from our hearts, bones and guts, we discover the truth about ourselves. Doing so is healing
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The primary focus of psychotherapy involves the integration of feelings (affect) and thinking (cognition), resulting in personal growth.
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False self, co-dependent self, unauthentic or public self.
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Spirituality is about the relationships that we have with our self, with others and with the universe.
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This lack of awareness of a major source of the family chaos results in extensive, destructive and unnecessary acceptance, as well as self blame and guilt among family members.