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We were so poor; the ultimate luxury in our house at the time was ashtrays without advertisements.
Chic Murray -
I met this cowboy with a brown paper hat, paper waistcoat and paper trousers. He was wanted for rustling.
Chic Murray
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My parents never understood me; they were Japanese.
Chic Murray -
She had been married so often she bought a drip-dry wedding dress.
Chic Murray -
I took my father on a coach trip last summer.We were halfway there when the driver lost control of the coach, it flew down a hill around a bend and crashed through a brick wall. I wasn't hurt but luckily my father had the presence of mind to kick my head in.
Chic Murray -
A neighbour put his budgerigar in the mincing machine and invented shredded tweet.
Chic Murray -
There's a new slimming course just out where they remove all your bones. Not only do you weigh less, but you also look so much more relaxed.
Chic Murray -
So there I was lying in the gutter. A man stopped and asked '"What's the matter? Did you fall over?" So I said "No. I've a bar of toffee in my back pocket and I was just trying to break it."
Chic Murray