Jack Dee Quotes
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The rain forest has Sting. Now Siberia has Jack Dee. Someone had to draw the short straw. In this case it was the rain forest.
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Maybe I fear things going wrong so much that I pre-empt them by not getting excited about them when they appear to be. going well.
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One of my friends went on a murder weekend... now he is doing life for it.
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But I like going to church. If you've been brought up in the Church of England, it feels like visiting an elderly relative. And I think it's important that part of the kids' education is knowing about the Bible.
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In particular, I found praying very disturbing, like swimming with bricks tied to your feet. And yet I was drawn to it constantly.
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The jokes are great but what really matters for a comedian is his performance, his whole attitude, and the laughs that he gets between the jokes rather than on top of the jokes.
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I really like rustic mediterranean cooking. And I like trying out curry takeaways.
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I was so keen to become a comedian that actually doing the comedy itself almost came second.
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I think it is more a cautiousness that protects me from enthusiasm about things. I tend not to get excited. People perceive it as a scowl, which is fair enough.
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I took religion much too seriously, however, and its overall effect was depressing. I would have really liked to discard it, but somehow I couldn't.
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I love mixing with comedians when I'm working with them, but when I'm not I don't feel the need to hang around with them.
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Comedy and tragedy are two sides of the same coin. A talent in one area might also lead to a predisposition in the other.
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I had a longing for ritual, something I could cling to, a routine to make me feel well and contented. I hoped that reading Bible commentaries and theological critiques would nudge me closer to some kind of absolute that I could hold up as a torch to light my way.
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The good thing about 'Have I Got News For You' is it's a compact show but it still gives everyone space to breathe, and everyone always gets a chance to say something if they want to. It's a very difficult show to dominate, and guests who come on and dominate always fall foul.
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If I've inadvertently become some sort of role model for failed comedians, then it's really backfired very badly on me.
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Whenever you're in any acting role you are mortgaging your own character.
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I have had issues with depression all my life, and it's probably true to say there was a tendency towards it even when I was very young, during my schooldays. There was often - and this is quite common with comics - a sense of not feeling as if I belonged anywhere.
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If I'm pushed, I'd also have to admit I don't like people with allergies. They just annoy me. There seems to be something far too self-centred about it. 'No thanks, I'm allergic.' Why not just say 'No thanks'? I wasn't asking for your medical history, I was just passing around the nuts. Trying to be friendly, that's all.
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I don't like men who blow-dry their hair. If you are a man and you blow-dry your hair, then I don't like you and that's all there is to it.
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There were a few teachers who just did not like me because of my face. Once, I was told to stand in the corner until I cheered up. The attitude was, 'Oh, for God's sake, what's the matter with him?' But it's just a natural expression.
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I hate people who think it's clever to take drugs... like custom officers.
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One Saturday in 1984, I walked into my first AA meeting. I went regularly for six years and only stopped when I came to realize my underlying problem was not genuine alcoholism, but depression.
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I'm just part of a tradition of people who aren't pleased. I would never think anyone else who has the same attitude was getting it from me. I'd just think they're... sensible.
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I don't think anyone's particularly conscious of thinking suits are the thing, but when you see a comedian on stage in jeans and a t-shirt it doesn't matter how good they are - it always looks like amateur hour when they walk onto the stage.