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If you want to read about love and marriage, you've got to buy two separate books.
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Comedy is an amazing calling. Once you get that first laugh, it's hard to turn away. Then, of course, you're hooked and you have to learn how to survive in the business.
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A summary of every Jewish holiday: They tried to kill us, we won, let's eat!
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I was a high school throw-out.
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I don't mind being 65, but nobody is gonna tell me to come in at 5:30 to have the early bird special.
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My wife is a very attractive woman, and she's always worried about her diet. But she doesn't pay attention to me, and I don't pay attention to her. She's a vegetarian, and it drives me crazy.
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When I was a kid, I used to send away for those ventriloquist kits on the back of comic books.