Alan King Quotes
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I made it, Ma - Carnegie Hall. And I didn't have to practice.
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My brother is the youngest member of the College of Physicians and Surgeons. And I wouldn't let him cut my nails.
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I had a sympathetic role in 'thirtysomething,' and in two weeks I'm going to do the role again. But in the movies, I just love the heavies. It's much more fun. Villains are a ball. People have been laughing at me for 50 years, so I love to sit in the back of the theater and listen to them hate me.
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Comedy is a reflection. We create nothing. We set no styles, no standards. We're reflections. It's a distorted mirror in the fun house. We watch society. As society behaves, then we have the ability to make fun of it.
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You only live once, except for Shirley MacLaine.
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Modesty is not one of my virtues.
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As a parent, I'd - I'd be a better father.
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One thing I've never said in my whole life is, 'Let's have dinner at a Japanese restaurant.'
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I think one of the big things about comedy is the ability for the audience to identify.
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My father was a dreamer - my hero. He was a smart, tough guy from Poland, a cutter of lady's handbags, an old socialist-unionist who always considered himself a failure. His big line was: 'Don't end up like me.'
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We get the worrywart, the hypochondriac, the money-grubbing miser, the intractable negotiator... Some would say certain of these refer to the stereotypical, or 'stage' Jew. But objectively speaking, the only crime in humor is an unfunny joke.
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Smoked salmon is for dinner. Belly lox is for breakfast. Don't get that mixed up.
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Age, style, where you come from, where you were born, it's different every time, which, to me, is refreshing because it says that there isn't any one thing, one formula or kind of character that makes a great comedian. Everybody has had a different approach.
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When I read Dickens for the first time, I thought he was Jewish, because he wrote about oppression and bigotry, all the things that my father talked about.
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When I get up in the morning, I have to decide what I'm going to have for dinner or I can't get through the day.
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Did you hear the one about the elderly Jew on his deathbed who sent for a priest, after declaring to his astonished relatives that 'I want to convert.' Asked why he would become a Catholic, after living all his life as a Jew, he answered: 'Better one of them should die than one of us.'
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If you keep yourself alive and current, funny is funny.
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Comedy is an amazing calling. Once you get that first laugh, it's hard to turn away. Then, of course, you're hooked and you have to learn how to survive in the business.
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Museums are good things, places to look and absorb and learn.
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A summary of every Jewish holiday: They tried to kill us, we won, let's eat!
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I can't stay friends with anyone who doesn't have a passion for something; and, generally speaking, artistic people, creative people carry it right into the kitchen, too. They have a zest for life; the excitement of living. All of the great eaters I've known are also men of great wit.
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And humor has always been a weapon. You want to get even on somebody? You want to attack somebody? Make fun of them.
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Let's face it: It's difficult enough to be funny without worrying about what is going to offend whom.
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My favorite way to spend Saturday is in and out of bed, watching sports on TV and eating.