Alexandra Petri Quotes
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Forced to confront a reptile or an international financial crisis, I'll take the reptile every time.
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President Obama deserves our unalloyed praise for hastening Osama bin Laden's demise.
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Any promising young white man rich enough to theoretically afford a giant oil painting of himself gets to remain young and innocent forever, and none of his actions have any consequences, whether there is magic involved or not.
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Although no one explicitly wants a president who could have a reliable fall back career in stand-up comedy, everyone shudders at the thought of a Rutherford B. Hayes or John Kerry.
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Hi, my name is Alexandra, and I'm a netaholic.
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It is possible to assemble a narrative for yourself, brokenly, on social media, only seeing what you want to look at.
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While MIT and the University of Chicago duke it out for the title of nerdiest school, James Franco and Renee Zellweger show up at Harvard to party. Somehow, miracle of miracles, Harvard is 'cool.'
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Millennials give comics the kind of adulation past generations reserved for musicians. We respect Lady Gaga. But we'll travel hundreds of miles to touch the hem of Jon Stewart's robe.
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Serious beliefs are awkward, especially religious ones. It's not that there's anything wrong with them, it's just that people's real, heart-felt, deeply held beliefs are, well, 'not easy to handle or deal with, requiring great skill, ingenuity, or care' - in a word, awkward.
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People talk to pass the time, share information, and entertain each other.
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Worst case scenario, nothing I do has any value or purpose, but if I can make someone laugh, I'm at least as useful as a piece of quiche would be.
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Anything you loved, however intensely, becomes mortifying the moment you cease to love it.
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Good laughs melt out of memory pretty quickly.
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No one has debates on Twitter.
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If awkward has an antithesis, it is probably Barack Obama.
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Bad things happen, and you can only be so prepared.
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People feel compelled to continue reading and hearing the news. Sometimes, you just want somebody to be yelling at it with you as you're reading it. I think of that as my function.
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When police are shutting down cameras, it is a sign that they know the truth is not going to be kind to them.
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The problem with technology, as with fashion, is that it's impossible to be 'in' forever.
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The difference between face-to-face conversation and any other medium of communication is simple: No distractions are permitted.
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It's easier to find the joke in something when you think, 'This - this is ridiculous.'
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Awkward is a state of being.
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Almost nothing anyone told me about Harvard has been accurate.
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You do not get gold stars for cleaning your toilet. In actual life, there is a depressing lack of stickers.