Alexandra Petri Quotes
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Any promising young white man rich enough to theoretically afford a giant oil painting of himself gets to remain young and innocent forever, and none of his actions have any consequences, whether there is magic involved or not.
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President Obama deserves our unalloyed praise for hastening Osama bin Laden's demise.
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Dull words are what make many bright sentences shine. They do not call attention to themselves.
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Although no one explicitly wants a president who could have a reliable fall back career in stand-up comedy, everyone shudders at the thought of a Rutherford B. Hayes or John Kerry.
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I would say 'competence' actually might be slightly more important than passion. I understand that it is important to feel strongly about things, but give me a competent dentist over a passionate dentist any day, if only because something about the phrase 'passionate dentist' is deeply unnerving.
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While MIT and the University of Chicago duke it out for the title of nerdiest school, James Franco and Renee Zellweger show up at Harvard to party. Somehow, miracle of miracles, Harvard is 'cool.'
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Worst case scenario, nothing I do has any value or purpose, but if I can make someone laugh, I'm at least as useful as a piece of quiche would be.
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Millennials give comics the kind of adulation past generations reserved for musicians. We respect Lady Gaga. But we'll travel hundreds of miles to touch the hem of Jon Stewart's robe.
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People talk to pass the time, share information, and entertain each other.
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Anything you loved, however intensely, becomes mortifying the moment you cease to love it.
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It is possible to assemble a narrative for yourself, brokenly, on social media, only seeing what you want to look at.
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Serious beliefs are awkward, especially religious ones. It's not that there's anything wrong with them, it's just that people's real, heart-felt, deeply held beliefs are, well, 'not easy to handle or deal with, requiring great skill, ingenuity, or care' - in a word, awkward.
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Good laughs melt out of memory pretty quickly.
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No one has debates on Twitter.
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Bad things happen, and you can only be so prepared.
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People feel compelled to continue reading and hearing the news. Sometimes, you just want somebody to be yelling at it with you as you're reading it. I think of that as my function.
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The difference between face-to-face conversation and any other medium of communication is simple: No distractions are permitted.
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Almost nothing anyone told me about Harvard has been accurate.
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The problem with technology, as with fashion, is that it's impossible to be 'in' forever.
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If awkward has an antithesis, it is probably Barack Obama.
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When police are shutting down cameras, it is a sign that they know the truth is not going to be kind to them.
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It's easier to find the joke in something when you think, 'This - this is ridiculous.'
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I think, when you're doing a column and blogging every day, you get familiar with the sound of your own voice.
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You do not get gold stars for cleaning your toilet. In actual life, there is a depressing lack of stickers.