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When the great history of trouble is written, my family will stand extremely high in the table of contents.
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In Hollywood, we have some of the richest unemployed people in the world. They have sun tans. Some of them have chauffeurs in Rolls-Royces waiting outside. They have their golf clubs ready in the car. There is no law that says you cannot play golf while being unemployed.
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At first I only used the Scotch to flavor the seltzer. Then I left out the seltzer altogether and only retained the ice cubes with the Scotch. Today, I am proud to say, I have emancipated myself from all such crutches. I drink my Scotch straight.
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Well, you might as well imitate your own program because if you don't, someone else will.
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Even if Scrabble had been invented then, I wouldn't have wanted to play Scrabble, because the highest triple word score in the world would not have expressed how much I liked the game Natalie and I played every afternoon.
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The only choreography I have in my act is where I walk about ten feet, from stage right to stage left. Then I say, "You may be wondering why I went from over there to over here. Well, that was choreography.
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When the great history of horticulture is written I will be listed among the absent.
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It's a play where something went wrong, 'Cause it's five hours, twelve minutes long. If you sit there, my friend, From beginning 'til end, Then your bladder better be strong!
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Somewhere, over the rainbow, Way up tall, There's a land where they've never heard of cholesterol.
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Nothing fazes Nancy. She's always laughing and singing and happy. She's popular and well adjusted and gets straight A's in school. Where did we go wrong? Why isn't she crazy like the rest of the family?
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I didn't decide I was crazy until 1952. That's when I began making a steady salary and could afford to be crazy.
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Our act started at the bottom and went downhill.