Lisa Lampanelli Quotes
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By being politically correct, you're closing your mind to a different point of view. Which sounds a lot like prejudice. Which is definitely not politically correct. See what I just did there?
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My thing has always been, I've never been very open and vulnerable with people, so the minute I got this dog, everything changed. It just opened me up and made me more loving... It's all because of him... He's made me a better person... I can tell people what I feel now. I can cry in front of people sometimes.
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I'm not gonna ruin my reputation with the blacks no more.
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I've never wanted to be a person where somebody would be like, 'I like her; she's okay.' Love or hate is fine, because it sells tickets.
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I heard Cher say, 'I answer to two people: Myself and God.' I say, 'I only answer to me. I'm not sure I appreciate God's opinion.'
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I've played every comedy club and every theatre across the country for the last 25 years and seen a lot of audience members from different ethnic persuasions.
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What we do as comics can be a service to people. It can make them laugh and take their mind off their problems for a few minutes.
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I thought I had to work at someplace everybody's heard of. It was never, 'I'm interested in such and such. I want to work in such and such magazine.' It was like, 'Oh, my G-d, I really need to work for somebody so people will think I'm OK.' So I got a job at 'Popular Mechanics'.
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In the end, censoring a comedian's jokes is on par with censoring 'Huckleberry Finn.' Now, I'm not comparing myself to Mark Twain - he had much wavier hair and a slightly thicker mustache. But when you deny an artist the chance to explore his art, you're forcing your beliefs on him.
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I always wrote about myself in the third person. I knew how to promote myself so it sounded intelligent. I know how to package myself.
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I'm always proud of what I've done and what I continue to do.
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I would make a few jabs at myself and go for the audience - they are still as flawed as ever.
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I have rage and anger issues. So I get mad about stuff in real life, and then I yell about it onstage, and luckily, something funny ends up coming out. What I'll do is tape-record it, and it will end up coming out even funnier. And I add more punch lines.
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I honestly feel like 99 percent of people have some kind of self-hate about their looks, and if I can joke about mine, maybe they can feel better about theirs.
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You have to really be on your own side.
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I've really been working on the emotional and internal issues that made me eat in the first place. It's been a real journey.
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I feel that if I retire today, I've done enough. I've achieved everything in comedy... I feel I don't need anything else. It's already built.
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I got sick of trying everything. I tried every single thing imaginable - diet, exercise. I even bought a house on the health spa property, and I still gained weight.
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If they hate you, they hate you, but I've always been polarizing, and I love that.
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The only reason I was allowed to have a career for a quarter century as an insult comic is because it's all in jest and all for fun.
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I hate comics who look at comedy as therapy. But at least it gets things out of my system in a funny way.
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I keep getting asked out by really young, good looking boys and really ugly lesbians. So, even if I wanted to jump onto the tuna boat, I wouldn't because I'm not getting high-class babes that I should get at this level of my career. And I always know the ugly ones are serious and that the good-looking ones are goofing on me.
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When I decided to do 'The Celebrity Apprentice,' there was absolutely no question that I would play the game for GMHC.
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I'm not saying the N word anymore.