Lisa Lampanelli Quotes
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I say every slur on the planet - racial, homosexual, everything to do with every ethnic group on the planet - and guess what? I will never apologize for that because I know why I do it, and it is to make a valid point about ignorance in this society.
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You have to really be on your own side.
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The only reason I was allowed to have a career for a quarter century as an insult comic is because it's all in jest and all for fun.
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I hate comics who look at comedy as therapy. But at least it gets things out of my system in a funny way.
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If they hate you, they hate you, but I've always been polarizing, and I love that.
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When you're dealing with a sick person, you're not important at all. You're just a nobody.
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None of my comedy depended on looks. I never did tons of fat jokes.
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Insult comedy has been around forever. I can make fun of people, and they won't get mad at me.
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Andy Dick is so gay, he thinks Margaret Cho is funny.
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It used to be that in media, Johnny Carson used to be the most important person when he would invite you over to sit on the couch after your comedy skit. Now it's whatever Howard Stern says goes.
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The thing is, in the dating profiles it says 'spiritual,' but not with a specific religion. And so I pretty much try to meditate, but I have a very hard time concentrating on things other than me.
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Before, I didn't do celebrity stuff, 'cause Kathy Griffin did that, but now, if you're going to make jokes on Twitter, you have to stay current.
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I'm not saying the N word anymore.
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I'm not ready to die yet. I have, like, 40 years left that I have to make up for all of the trouble I caused in my first 50 years.
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If Flavor Flav was any smaller and darker, Brad and Angelina would try to adopt him.
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With Don Rickles and me, we're just telling the truth. We're not terrific people, and we're not gonna win the beauty contest. We're just average Joes. We're just being who we are, and I think people like that.
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I order food like a normal human being. If I'm out to lunch, I'm going to order three courses like everybody else. I'm not going to feel like some kind of freak.
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By Hollywood standards I'm still fat: until you are zero, you are big. I do get cold a lot now. I used to have a lot of layers - now I got to get a fur coat.
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I lasted seven years as a journalist, and I've been doing comedy for twenty years.
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This thing happened where I noticed anytime I got together with four friends or more, the conversation goes to food.