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We're writing a book together. She just finished one. Did you read it? Among the Porcupines?
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The first girl you go to bed with is always pretty.
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Every actor looks all his life for a part that will combine his talents with his personality... 'The Odd Couple' was mine. That was the plutonium I needed. It all started happening after that.
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I wanted to be a pharmacist. I liked the way our local pharmacist was always dressed in a nice white coat; he looked very calm, you'd give him money, and he'd give you something that you wanted to buy.
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My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn't pay the bill he gave me six months more.
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It's very easy to live here. You're anonymous here. Nobody knows who you are.
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I don't mind my wife having to last word. In fact I'm delighted when she reaches it.
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You see, my father was a Catholic priest, Greek Orthodox, but I think he started out as a Jew, then he became a Catholic priest.
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There's no such thing as 'too late!' That's why they invented death!
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I could play a cop, I could play a crook, I could play a lawyer, I could play a dentist, I could play an art critic-I could play the guy next door. I am the guy next door. I could play Catholic, Jewish, Protestant. As a matter of fact, when I did The Odd Couple, I would do it a different way each night. On Monday I'd be Jewish, Tuesday Italian, Wednesday Irish-German-and I would mix them up. I did that to amuse myself, and it always worked.
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Why don't you do the world a favour. Pull your bottom lip up over your head and swallow.
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To be successful in show business, all you need are 50 good breaks.
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I always had one ear offstage, listening for the call from the bookie.
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I never worked with Marilyn Monroe, but if she'd lived, I think she would have been all right. She would have been President of the United States.
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My mother paid eight dollars a month for rent. When she had it. Mostly we were evicted, because she couldnt afford to pay the eight dollars a month.
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I have more talent in my smallest fart than you have in your entire body.
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My own feeling is that he was a shyster and that he would become anything to get his way. Like, if he met you, he would be preaching papal supremacy.
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You can't do it with strangers. It takes about five years to get into the ebb and flow. If it's not working after five years, get rid of them.
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Get out of show business. Its the best advice I ever got, because Im so stubborn that if someone would tell me that, I would stay in it to the bitter end.