Elayne Boosler Quotes
-
Designers don't put out the same sweater every year. They just keep creating.
-
A study last year showed that the page you turn to first in the newspaper can be a predictor of how long you will live. No surprise, turning first to the Comics Pages prolongs your life.
-
Now that the Court has declared money to be speech, I say we replace the current Court with some Ben Franklins, Thomas Jeffersons, George Washingtons, a couple of Susan B. Anthony's, Roosevelts, Hamiltons, a Sacajawea or two, and an Abe Lincoln to cover Scalia in full.
-
People want sex education out of the schools. They believe sex education causes promiscuity. Hey, I took algebra, but I never do math.
-
Pigs are smarter than dogs, and both are smarter than Congress.
-
Men put all kinds of expectations on you. They want you to scream 'You're the best' while swearing you've never done this with anyone before.
-
I have no complaints about losing money I put in high-risk investments. I did some of that when I had real money; my informed choice, my measured gamble.
-
I've never been able to write for stand-up.
-
My family was totally non-religious. There was no question we were Jewish, but we were not observant.
-
You know, if you need 100 rounds to kill a deer, maybe hunting isn't your sport.
-
There's only one difference between Jews and Catholics. Jews are born with guilt, and Catholics have to go to school to learn it.
-
I love being down at Occupy Wall Street. The sincerity, the youth involvement, the desire for better, is palpable and moving. There is true caring, sharing, and refreshingly naive hope.
-
I run everywhere and eavesdrop. It's the best way to see a city.
-
I think about death. I don't want to die with clothes in the cleaners.
-
San Francisco is really fun and liberal, and it's my kind of politics. It's like being Jewish in front of Jewish people.
-
People lose their senses at the beach 'cause the sun beats down too hard. They say things that just don't gel, you know. Well, you've heard this a lot: 'Pick up a shell - oh, you can hear the ocean!' You could pick up a bicycle and hear the ocean - you're at the beach. Put the shell down, you'll hear the ocean twice as loud.
-
I have always put my own money into Tails of Joy. For years, every time a dog walked by, my husband would say, 'There goes our beach house.'
-
Laundry's easier when you live alone. Fifteen minutes before a date, put 'em on, dry 'em with a hair blower.
-
For a single woman, preparing for company means wiping the lipstick off the milk carton.
-
I am thankful I was born in America, although if I gain any more weight the burqa thing may start to seem like a good idea to me. See? Another plus about America, you can always find some food.
-
I love my parents and they're wonderful people, but they were strict, and I still look for ways to get even. When I got my own apartment for the very first time and they came to stay with me for the weekend, I made them stay in separate bedrooms.
-
I read books that say if you want to keep sex hot you tell a person what you want. How do you tell 'em you want somebody else?
-
I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't think something is wrong with me.
-
I am thankful the most important key in history was invented. It's not the key to your house, your car, your boat, your safety deposit box, your bike lock or your private community. It's the key to order, sanity, and peace of mind. The key is 'Delete.'