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Have you noticed that if you leave the laundry in the hamper long enough, it's ready to wear again?
Elayne Boosler -
People want sex education out of the schools. They believe sex education causes promiscuity. Hey, I took algebra, but I never do math.
Elayne Boosler
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Many animal rescue organizations hit with a hard-core, heartbreaking message. Their videos and stories can become difficult for average people to watch. By taking a more positive, heartwarming approach to animal rescue, I've been able to engage people and keep them engaged for years. Instead of selling the agony and misery - and sadly, there is no shortage of that - I start with the happy endings. I work backwards so the first message they get is joy and success due to their involvement. Opening the mind with humor and joy gets the rescue message in that much deeper.
Elayne Boosler -
There's only one difference between Jews and Catholics. Jews are born with guilt, and Catholics have to go to school to learn it.
Elayne Boosler -
I love being down at Occupy Wall Street. The sincerity, the youth involvement, the desire for better, is palpable and moving. There is true caring, sharing, and refreshingly naive hope.
Elayne Boosler -
I am thankful the most important key in history was invented. It's not the key to your house, your car, your boat, your safety deposit box, your bike lock or your private community. It's the key to order, sanity, and peace of mind. The key is 'Delete.'
Elayne Boosler -
I am thankful I was born in America, although if I gain any more weight the burqa thing may start to seem like a good idea to me. See? Another plus about America, you can always find some food.
Elayne Boosler -
I think about death. I don't want to die with clothes in the cleaners.
Elayne Boosler
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I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't think something is wrong with me.
Elayne Boosler -
A study last year showed that the page you turn to first in the newspaper can be a predictor of how long you will live. No surprise, turning first to the Comics Pages prolongs your life.
Elayne Boosler -
Designers don't put out the same sweater every year. They just keep creating.
Elayne Boosler -
I love my parents and they're wonderful people, but they were strict, and I still look for ways to get even. When I got my own apartment for the very first time and they came to stay with me for the weekend, I made them stay in separate bedrooms.
Elayne Boosler -
When I played the Sahara Hotel in Las Vegas on New Year's Eve, I got to bring Wiley, my 85-pound black lab. He's responsible for my favorite New Year's memory of all: At the end of the show, he ran onstage and then out across all the tables in the showroom, sending champagne glasses and gamblers flying.
Elayne Boosler -
I read books that say if you want to keep sex hot you tell a person what you want. How do you tell 'em you want somebody else?
Elayne Boosler
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You know you are in love when you are willing to share your cash-machine number.
Elayne Boosler -
You know, if you need 100 rounds to kill a deer, maybe hunting isn't your sport.
Elayne Boosler -
President Reagan is a lot like E.T. He's cute, he's lovable, and he knows nothing about how Americans live.
Elayne Boosler -
Citizens are all equal in politics: we each have one vote.
Elayne Boosler -
Ever notice that Soup for One is eight aisles away from Party Mix?
Elayne Boosler -
I can tell by your eye shadow, you're from Brooklyn, right? . . . Me too. My mother has plastic covers on all the furniture. Even the poodle. Looked like a barking hassock walking down the street.
Elayne Boosler
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My brother is gay and my parents don't care, as long as he marries a doctor.
Elayne Boosler -
My family was totally non-religious. There was no question we were Jewish, but we were not observant.
Elayne Boosler -
While editors and newspaper owners currently fret over shrinking readership and lost profits, they do the one thing that insures cutting their own throats; they keep reducing space for the one feature that attracts new young readers in the first place; the comic strips.
Elayne Boosler -
My breakup with AT&T is final, and I'm done with Skype as the rebound guy.
Elayne Boosler