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The message of great art is to disturb.
Elayne Boosler -
I'm pretty equal opportunity when it comes to issues to joke about.
Elayne Boosler
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People are giving birth underwater now. They say it's less traumatic for the baby because it's under water. But it's certainly more traumatic for the other people in the pool.
Elayne Boosler -
The Vatican is against surrogate mothers. Good thing they didn't have that rule when Jesus was born.
Elayne Boosler -
For a single woman, preparing for company means wiping the lipstick off the milk carton.
Elayne Boosler -
You never see a man walking down the street with a woman who has a little potbelly and a bald spot.
Elayne Boosler -
Most people love animals, and most people love to laugh. Combining the two makes both resonate deeper.
Elayne Boosler -
As a standup comedian, I've worked almost every New Year's Eve of my adult life. It's the best-paying night of the year.
Elayne Boosler
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I've never been able to write for stand-up.
Elayne Boosler -
Wouldn't it be great to see a line in all movie credits that truthfully says, 'Nobody was harmed in the making of this film, and at the cast party, all animals got a belly belly belly rub.'
Elayne Boosler -
Guys wake up at your place and they expect breakfast. They don't eat bagels and M&M's in the morning. They want things like toast. I say, 'I don't have these recipes.
Elayne Boosler -
Sometimes, if you really don't know how you feel about a topic, reading how both sides argue it can help.
Elayne Boosler -
San Francisco is really fun and liberal, and it's my kind of politics. It's like being Jewish in front of Jewish people.
Elayne Boosler -
Turkeys know their names, come when you call, and are totally affectionate. They're better than teenagers.
Elayne Boosler
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Laundry's easier when you live alone. Fifteen minutes before a date, put 'em on, dry 'em with a hair blower.
Elayne Boosler -
Men in power always seem to get involved in sex scandals, but women don't even have a word for 'male bimbo.' Except maybe 'senator.
Elayne Boosler -
Comedy is a blood sport. It flays the truth and spurts twisted logic. In America, people become comics because we don't have bullfighting.
Elayne Boosler -
I'm just a person trapped inside a woman's body.
Elayne Boosler -
I always had a running commentary in my head that was extremely funny and off-center, but I never said it to anyone.
Elayne Boosler -
My fashion philosophy is, if you're not covered in dog hair, your life is empty.
Elayne Boosler
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Incredibly, almost every hotel I ever played in Vegas was blown up shortly afterward: The Dunes, The Sands, The Landmark, The Aladdin, The Frontier, The Hacienda, The Stardust - all were imploded.
Elayne Boosler -
Wouldn't it be great if you could only get AIDS by giving money to television preachers?
Elayne Boosler -
I deliver very traditionally, and people aren't threatened. I think if I cursed or seemed wilder, I couldn't get away with the amount of very opinionated politics I get away with.
Elayne Boosler -
I have always put my own money into Tails of Joy. For years, every time a dog walked by, my husband would say, 'There goes our beach house.'
Elayne Boosler