Elayne Boosler Quotes
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Incredibly, almost every hotel I ever played in Vegas was blown up shortly afterward: The Dunes, The Sands, The Landmark, The Aladdin, The Frontier, The Hacienda, The Stardust - all were imploded.
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I didn't get a high school diploma. I really didn't have much of an education, which left me open to educating myself throughout my life, without the limitations on intellectual curiosity a formal education can impose. I followed what interested me.
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I guess in general, people tend to not eat the cute animals.
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I'm just a person trapped inside a woman's body.
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I think when you take off that jacket and they see that ‘I LOVE GRANDMA’ T-shirt, they’re going to rip your heart out.
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I've never been able to write for stand-up.
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I can't get married. I can't fake sleep for 30 years.
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Why isn't the movie industry forced to open its shooting locations to an organization that is there to advocate for animal actors? The industry isn't allowed to pick and choose which movies using young children it will or won't allow to be monitored. The vulnerable should be protected.
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I wasn't funny as a kid. I remember enjoying comedians, but I never understood it was a job choice or a profession.
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The thing about breaking up when you get older, you just don't have the steam anymore. "Oh, that's it. I can't start shaving my legs above the knee again."
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When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It's a whole different way of thinking.
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I never minded flying cheap. I always said to myself, 'Taking this flight saves enough money to rescue four dogs, or six cats, or will let me make a difference to the one woman saving chimps in Cameroon.'
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My belief is that guns are too easy to get in America. My belief is that the NRA has bought much of our congress, to the point that guns are actually the only unregulated consumer product in America. Think about that. It's stunning.
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I'd much rather see Richard Pryor or Jackie Mason in a theater than in a club.
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It doesn't bother me that I'm not a household word on the East Coast. Baton Rouge, Raleigh, Minneapolis - I'm so popular in these cities where you've never imagined an East Coast comedian working.
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I am thankful that all the people in the world who absolutely, positively, know what God wants, usually kill mostly each other.
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My mother always said you could eat off her floor; you could eat of my floor too, there's so much food down there.
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I like to go after the foibles, basically of beliefs that are held without question. If people still want to believe in their stuff after that, that's great - as long as they just have a chance to step back and look at it for a second. Sometimes, you don't even realize what you've been thinking for 20 years.
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To listen to your own silence is the key to comedy.
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Every time we help an animal, we are healing ourselves, over and over.
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Real comedy can't be learned; it comes from a need for justice. The best who stand up, stand up for something.
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I pray if I ever find out I have only about three minutes to live it's during a basketball game, because then I'll have, what, 10, 12 years to live?
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A man who was loved by 300 woman singled me out to live with him. Why? I was the only one without a cat.
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For me, comedy is a day-to-day report on the human condition. It's what's happening right now. I get maybe 20 minutes of my act straight from the newspaper.