Elayne Boosler Quotes
-
Why isn't the movie industry forced to open its shooting locations to an organization that is there to advocate for animal actors? The industry isn't allowed to pick and choose which movies using young children it will or won't allow to be monitored. The vulnerable should be protected.
-
I guess in general, people tend to not eat the cute animals.
-
Laundry's easier when you live alone. Fifteen minutes before a date, put 'em on, dry 'em with a hair blower.
-
I think when you take off that jacket and they see that ‘I LOVE GRANDMA’ T-shirt, they’re going to rip your heart out.
-
I didn't get a high school diploma. I really didn't have much of an education, which left me open to educating myself throughout my life, without the limitations on intellectual curiosity a formal education can impose. I followed what interested me.
-
I can't get married. I can't fake sleep for 30 years.
-
I know what men want. Men want to be really, really close to someone who will leave them alone.
-
I wasn't funny as a kid. I remember enjoying comedians, but I never understood it was a job choice or a profession.
-
It doesn't bother me that I'm not a household word on the East Coast. Baton Rouge, Raleigh, Minneapolis - I'm so popular in these cities where you've never imagined an East Coast comedian working.
-
My belief is that guns are too easy to get in America. My belief is that the NRA has bought much of our congress, to the point that guns are actually the only unregulated consumer product in America. Think about that. It's stunning.
-
I'd much rather see Richard Pryor or Jackie Mason in a theater than in a club.
-
When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It's a whole different way of thinking.
-
I never minded flying cheap. I always said to myself, 'Taking this flight saves enough money to rescue four dogs, or six cats, or will let me make a difference to the one woman saving chimps in Cameroon.'
-
The thing about breaking up when you get older, you just don't have the steam anymore. "Oh, that's it. I can't start shaving my legs above the knee again."
-
Calgary wins for my coldest New Year's Eve gig. That's when I learned Fahrenheit and Celsius cross at 40 below. I could see callers' breath coming out of my phone.
-
My mother always said you could eat off her floor; you could eat of my floor too, there's so much food down there.
-
Every time we help an animal, we are healing ourselves, over and over.
-
I like to go after the foibles, basically of beliefs that are held without question. If people still want to believe in their stuff after that, that's great - as long as they just have a chance to step back and look at it for a second. Sometimes, you don't even realize what you've been thinking for 20 years.
-
I am thankful that all the people in the world who absolutely, positively, know what God wants, usually kill mostly each other.
-
To listen to your own silence is the key to comedy.
-
Real comedy can't be learned; it comes from a need for justice. The best who stand up, stand up for something.
-
A man who was loved by 300 woman singled me out to live with him. Why? I was the only one without a cat.
-
I pray if I ever find out I have only about three minutes to live it's during a basketball game, because then I'll have, what, 10, 12 years to live?
-
When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping.