Carol Leifer Quotes
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Been thinking about having a baby. But if I want to do it, I'd have to do it soon 'cause it's getting near closing time. The clock is ticking. My gynecologist said, if I wanted to have a baby, I would have to do it - the latest - by the ended of this show.
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Obviously, at this age, I've lost people in my life. But with a parent, it's just different. I was very attached to my father and had this naive little-girl notion that he'd always be around. So I'm finding acceptance of my father's death is the hardest thing to accept.
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Sex when you're married is like going to the 7-Eleven: There's not much variety, but at three in the morning, it's always there.
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There are so many opportunities that I could've gotten before if I had just took a little more of a risk.
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Growing up, it was always, 'If you buy kosher meat, they're killed humanely.' But I've seen so many horrible videos. What we thought was humane 100 years ago is not humane anymore. The ways animals suffer, I just couldn't be a part of it anymore.
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All my other relationships with men, there was so much maneuvering and strategic decisions and stuff.
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I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
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Just be your authentic self because there's nothing sexier or more beautiful than that.
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I was over there in Hawaii. I was there on the big island. The 'Big Island' - that name cracks me up. First of all, it's not that big, so I'm pretty sure a guy came up with that name. Carol Leifer
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My father was the kind of guy who'd always say 'Throw out any subject and I got a joke on it,'
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My stand-up act is very clean.
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Stand-up comedy - I love this job, and I gotta tell you, folks - knock wood - it's been working. 'Cause I was one of those kind of people, even when I had a regular job, I couldn't even call in sick right. You know, I was like, 'Hello? Yeah, I can't come in today. I have scurvy.
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When you lie about your age, the terrorists win.
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I'm sorry I didn't have this revelation earlier. I sleep better and more soundly because I'm not participating anymore.
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As a writer, the worst thing you can do is work in an environment of fear of rejection.
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My father was a huge influence on me.
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My father was a really funny guy. He lived a good long life. And he was the reason I wanted to be funny and become a comedian and a comedy writer, so to say that he's somewhat of a mythic figure in my life would be an understatement.
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I always say to women, 'Take advantage of the fact that you're in the minority, don't see it as a disadvantage. You're that much more unique when there's fewer of you.
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My father was the king of the joke-tellers. I was so impressed as a child watching him, holding people in rapt attention.
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They're all sources of material. What I love about what I do, the more you talk about your life, there are so many people who have similar experiences.
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It was a mixed marriage. I'm human, and he was a Klingon.
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My kind of gay, meeting a woman and falling in love, is a different experience because it wasn't anything about 'Oh, I've always been gay and I'm breaking the chains.
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My kind of gay is like the late-breaking-lesbian kind of gay.
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There were very few women comics when I started out doing stand-up. But I always saw that as a great advantage.