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Just be your authentic self because there's nothing sexier or more beautiful than that.
Carol Leifer -
Sex when you're married is like going to the 7-Eleven: There's not much variety, but at three in the morning, it's always there.
Carol Leifer
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When you lie about your age, the terrorists win.
Carol Leifer -
Obviously, at this age, I've lost people in my life. But with a parent, it's just different. I was very attached to my father and had this naive little-girl notion that he'd always be around. So I'm finding acceptance of my father's death is the hardest thing to accept.
Carol Leifer -
Been thinking about having a baby. But if I want to do it, I'd have to do it soon 'cause it's getting near closing time. The clock is ticking. My gynecologist said, if I wanted to have a baby, I would have to do it - the latest - by the ended of this show.
Carol Leifer -
Growing up, it was always, 'If you buy kosher meat, they're killed humanely.' But I've seen so many horrible videos. What we thought was humane 100 years ago is not humane anymore. The ways animals suffer, I just couldn't be a part of it anymore.
Carol Leifer -
I'm sorry I didn't have this revelation earlier. I sleep better and more soundly because I'm not participating anymore.
Carol Leifer -
My father was the kind of guy who'd always say 'Throw out any subject and I got a joke on it,'
Carol Leifer
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My father was a really funny guy. He lived a good long life. And he was the reason I wanted to be funny and become a comedian and a comedy writer, so to say that he's somewhat of a mythic figure in my life would be an understatement.
Carol Leifer -
There are so many opportunities that I could've gotten before if I had just took a little more of a risk.
Carol Leifer -
My stand-up act is very clean.
Carol Leifer -
Stand-up comedy - I love this job, and I gotta tell you, folks - knock wood - it's been working. 'Cause I was one of those kind of people, even when I had a regular job, I couldn't even call in sick right. You know, I was like, 'Hello? Yeah, I can't come in today. I have scurvy.
Carol Leifer -
I was over there in Hawaii. I was there on the big island. The 'Big Island' - that name cracks me up. First of all, it's not that big, so I'm pretty sure a guy came up with that name. Carol Leifer
Carol Leifer -
My father was a huge influence on me.
Carol Leifer
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All my other relationships with men, there was so much maneuvering and strategic decisions and stuff.
Carol Leifer -
I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
Carol Leifer -
Long Island - if you're from out of town, how would I describe it? Well, every girl in my neighborhood looked like Kenny G.
Carol Leifer -
I always say to women, 'Take advantage of the fact that you're in the minority, don't see it as a disadvantage. You're that much more unique when there's fewer of you.
Carol Leifer -
Women in the workplace - we still have big strides to make. Girlfriend of mine just got a new job. First question the new boss asked her was if she could make a good cup of coffee... Yeah, she stormed right out of that Starbucks.
Carol Leifer -
As a writer, the worst thing you can do is work in an environment of fear of rejection.
Carol Leifer
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My kind of gay is like the late-breaking-lesbian kind of gay.
Carol Leifer -
My father was the king of the joke-tellers. I was so impressed as a child watching him, holding people in rapt attention.
Carol Leifer -
They're all sources of material. What I love about what I do, the more you talk about your life, there are so many people who have similar experiences.
Carol Leifer -
There were very few women comics when I started out doing stand-up. But I always saw that as a great advantage.
Carol Leifer