Carol Leifer Quotes
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I recently became vegan because I felt that as a Jewish lesbian, I wasn’t part of a small enough minority. So now I’m a Jewish lesbian vegan.
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Obviously, at this age, I've lost people in my life. But with a parent, it's just different. I was very attached to my father and had this naive little-girl notion that he'd always be around. So I'm finding acceptance of my father's death is the hardest thing to accept.
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Sex when you're married is like going to the 7-Eleven: There's not much variety, but at three in the morning, it's always there.
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My stand-up act is very clean.
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I was watching Maury Povich the other day. He had these people on who say that they've had near death experiences. Do you ever notice they always say the same thing? 'I remember seeing this really bright, white light.' It's like, of course, you pinhead, it's the paramedic looking in your pupils with a penlight.
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Been thinking about having a baby. But if I want to do it, I'd have to do it soon 'cause it's getting near closing time. The clock is ticking. My gynecologist said, if I wanted to have a baby, I would have to do it - the latest - by the ended of this show.
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My father was the kind of guy who'd always say 'Throw out any subject and I got a joke on it,'
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My father was a huge influence on me.
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I was over there in Hawaii. I was there on the big island. The 'Big Island' - that name cracks me up. First of all, it's not that big, so I'm pretty sure a guy came up with that name. Carol Leifer
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I'm sorry I didn't have this revelation earlier. I sleep better and more soundly because I'm not participating anymore.
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Growing up, it was always, 'If you buy kosher meat, they're killed humanely.' But I've seen so many horrible videos. What we thought was humane 100 years ago is not humane anymore. The ways animals suffer, I just couldn't be a part of it anymore.
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Just be your authentic self because there's nothing sexier or more beautiful than that.
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When you lie about your age, the terrorists win.
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I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
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All my other relationships with men, there was so much maneuvering and strategic decisions and stuff.
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They're all sources of material. What I love about what I do, the more you talk about your life, there are so many people who have similar experiences.
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I always say to women, 'Take advantage of the fact that you're in the minority, don't see it as a disadvantage. You're that much more unique when there's fewer of you.
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My father was a really funny guy. He lived a good long life. And he was the reason I wanted to be funny and become a comedian and a comedy writer, so to say that he's somewhat of a mythic figure in my life would be an understatement.
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My kind of gay is like the late-breaking-lesbian kind of gay.
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Long Island - if you're from out of town, how would I describe it? Well, every girl in my neighborhood looked like Kenny G.
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My kind of gay, meeting a woman and falling in love, is a different experience because it wasn't anything about 'Oh, I've always been gay and I'm breaking the chains.
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As a writer, the worst thing you can do is work in an environment of fear of rejection.
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I'm always a big fan of if you approach somebody politely about something and you're not a nudge - you're just pretty honest and simple, my kind of philosophy is that I'm not afraid of 'no,' and that's way different than 'I won't take no for an answer.
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My father was the king of the joke-tellers. I was so impressed as a child watching him, holding people in rapt attention.