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That’s the thing about terrorism – it works. Especially for the terrorists – they might not get what they want but it feels damn good trying.
Craig Ferguson -
I dont know how to add things to my own wikipedia page.
Craig Ferguson
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I view my own body as a petting zoo. I am the main attraction... And the only customer.
Craig Ferguson -
As a vulgar lounge entertainer, my business relies on ridiculous stereotypes! If these people start using deodorant, I might as well just go home!
Craig Ferguson -
Relax, you're among friends now. The long hard day is over and the roly-poly funny man is before you.
Craig Ferguson -
He's German so he's Herr Ball. Herr Ball. His movies are so bad, cats choke when they hear his name.
Craig Ferguson -
You die alone in your house, and your cat will eat you.
Craig Ferguson -
Get well soon, Castro. pause Actually, no, don't; die, you bastard!
Craig Ferguson
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Welcome back, my cheeky wee monkeys.
Craig Ferguson -
'Whaa, I'm Brad Pitt. I'll crush you.' audience laughs 'With my hand!'
Craig Ferguson -
Failure is not a disgrace. It’s just a pitch that you missed, and you’d better get ready for the next one... My son and I are Americans, we prepare for glory by failing until we don’t.
Craig Ferguson -
Don't do that... By the way, this is not Oprah furniture; you jump on this, and it will be firewood... Oprah's got the real thing, this stuff...this is about as real as that points to cityscape backdrop right there.
Craig Ferguson -
I don't like my politicians entertaining me and I don't like my entertainers politicianing sic me.
Craig Ferguson -
Nothing says romance like hobos, martyrs and decapitations.
Craig Ferguson