Chelsea Handler Quotes
I once waited on a group of 10 people, and one guy collected the money from the check and tipped me $20 on $600. I told him in front of everyone, 'Jews like you give Jews like me a bad name.' That was my last waitressing job.
Quotes to Explore
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It is by a wise economy of nature that those who suffer without change, and whom no one can help, become uninteresting. Yet so it may happen that those who need sympathy the most often attract it the least.
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My parents were the good parents that said, 'You should try and get a good job and go to college and get an education.'
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Inspire your children. I promise, your kids will think you're cool if you do this. They may not tell you that now, but they'll thank you later in life.
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America believes what's good for us is good for the world. It's very difficult to understand that that's not necessarily true.
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The simplest toy, one which even the youngest child can operate, is called a grandparent.
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In fact, the socialization gives us the tools to fill our evolutionary roles. They are our building blocks.
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In life go straight and turn right.
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Slang is a language that rolls up its sleeves, spits on its hands and goes to work.
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A girl's best friend is her pride.
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As a child, I loved story books and wanted to be in them so desperately and live the stories.
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I'd rather work all night and sleep all day... perhaps I was a mole in my last incarnation.
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But the war on terror as I have repeatedly said in the past, and the Afghan people believe in it, in truth, is that the war on terror is not in the Afghan villages or homes. Its in the sanctuaries, it is in the training grounds, its in the motivation factors and the money that comes to it.
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I found in one of the tombs an inscription saying, 'If you touch my tomb, you will be eaten by a crocodile and hippopotamus.' It doesn't mean the hippo will eat you, it means the person really wanted his tomb to be protected.
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I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond.
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Qualifying for the Olympics is probably harder than winning a medal at the Olympics.
Mandy Bujold -
It's jarring to live in a world where every person feels his life will only get better when you came from a world where many rightfully believe that things have become worse. And I've suspected that this optimism blinds many in Silicon Valley to the real struggles in other parts of the country. So I decided to move home to Ohio.
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I believe that the only people who really, truly benefit from any of the policies of Republicans are the wealthy. I'm in that 1 percent tax bracket, but I'm not a man of wealth.
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It's common in rural Ireland to pick up a nickname that relates to an animal, bird, or a spider. Mine became 'scorpion' because I fought back, and scorpions are docile creatures until pushed too far.
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For a lot of people, it's a massive deal to be on the front row at Fashion Week and look perfect. I don't go to be seen; I go to look at the collections and support my friends, like Henry, Giles and Jonathan Saunders. As much as I love clothes and shopping, it doesn't drive me.
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I'm no intellect. I'm no preacher. I'm an entertainer. And If I don't get up there and entertain people, I'm not giving them what they paid for.
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To the average professed Christian today, living so far below normal, New Testament Christianity would be a shock.
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Don't let your success of today lay you into complacency for tomorrow. For that is the worst form of failure.
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I don't ascribe to the idea of the ivory tower composer who sits alone in a room composing his masterpieces and then comes down from Mount Sinai with the tablets. It doesn't work like that. The job of a composer is putting something down on a piece of paper that will inspire the person who's playing.
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I once waited on a group of 10 people, and one guy collected the money from the check and tipped me $20 on $600. I told him in front of everyone, 'Jews like you give Jews like me a bad name.' That was my last waitressing job.
