Chelsea Handler Quotes
Every time I enter a country and have to write down my occupation at customs, I'm like, 'I don't know... Author? Host? Writer? Stand-up?' I usually write 'author' - that's the safest bet.

Quotes to Explore
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Comedians take a neat situation and turn it into a mess. And in my books I do the same thing, but it's the other way around. I like to mess around with mess. A mess is only a mess because someone tells you it is.
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By 2022, China is expected to cede the dubious distinction of being the world's most populous nation to India, according to the population division of the United Nations Department of Economic and Social Affairs.
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Society in the English countryside is still strangely, quaintly divided. If black comedy and a certain type of social commentary are what you want, I think English rural communities offer quite a lot of material.
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I've waited so long to get to this point, and I'm so happy to be making my first album. I want to be a performer and an entertainer.
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I'm married. I've been with my husband for six years. Now that I know what a healthy relationship is, I find I can write better about the unhealthiness of relationships.
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I'm honored that I'm in history, but I don't think it would mean anything if it doesn't change anything.
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If you have the ideas, and you're a creative person, then you don't really differentiate in how your ideas manifest themselves.
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It drives me crazy when your parents try to read your mind. It's even worse when they try to read your mail.
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Lead us not into temptation. Just tell us where it is; we'll find it.
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I'm very competitive, and I want to win.
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A good writer can set a thriller anywhere and make it convincing: the trick is to evoke the setting in such a way that it highlights the crime or unsettles the reader.
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I certainly was one of the instigators in the 1960s of freedom of expression.
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We must adjust our value systems and work to modify today's societies, in which economic interests are carried to the extreme and irrationally produce not merely objects, but weapons of war. These societies don't care about the destruction of the planet and mankind as long as they earn profits - it can't go on like this.
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Today we are engaged in a deadly global struggle for those who would intimidate, torture, and murder people for exercising the most basic freedoms. If we are to win this struggle and spread those freedoms, we must keep our own moral compass pointed in a true direction.
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The most important thing to realise is that everyone is capable of telling a story. It doesn't matter where we were born or how we grew up.
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There's so much bullying with young people and them feeling like they can't come out, and they don't know what to do. And it's something that you have to work through. And, you know, for me, it was - I came out, and then I went back in for a minute. And then I came out, and I was like, 'You know what? This is who I am.'
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Music Box has proven itself in a few short years to be a cutting edge distributor with a sophisticated understanding of both the market and cinema.
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I go light on breakfast. Sometimes it's a yogurt, but a lot of times it's leftovers from one of my wife's dinners.
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My plat de resistance is potato salad with garlic and olive oil which we press from the olives from my trees in the grounds of my home near St Remy de Provence. I have four hectares and take the olives down to the local community press at Maussane les Alpilles. I don't produce big quantities; it is just for the family and friends.
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All girls want to be sexy.
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Because I'm in the public eye, I think that I would prefer to date someone regular who isn't in the news all the time, but I think even if you date someone regular, they'll still put it in the news.
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For some reason, as time gets short in life, wasting time escaping through entertainment bothers me.
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If I could reach up and hold a star for every time you made me smile, the entire evening sky would be in the palm of my hand.
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Every time I enter a country and have to write down my occupation at customs, I'm like, 'I don't know... Author? Host? Writer? Stand-up?' I usually write 'author' - that's the safest bet.