Chelsea Handler Quotes

My standup is observational, but it's self-observational, and it's self-deprecating, definitely.

Chelsea Handler

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Quotes to Explore

• I love my family and I miss them very much but I'm a new person now. I know a lot of people will not agree with what I've done, but it was right for me.

  

  LaToya Jackson
  • People
  • Family
  • Love

• Writing for children hadn't occurred to me when I was younger, but nine years of teaching in the upper elementary grades had given me a deep appreciation of the gifts and graces that are specific to individuals with 10 or 11 years of experience as human beings.

  

  Zilpha Keatley Snyder
  • Writing
  • Children
  • Experience

• Kids are taking music for free all the time. They have Spotify, Pandora... The record companies aren't making the kind of music that they used to make. Artists make their money on tours, not from album sales.

  

  Malcolm D. Lee
  • Time
  • Music
  • Money

• There's never really been a real hood Christmas movie.

  

  Ice Cube
  • Real
  • Movie
  • Christmas

• The fight against child slavery is the fight against traditional mindset, policy deficit, and lack of accountability and urgency for children across the globe.

  

  Kailash Satyarthi
  • Children
  • Child
  • Slavery

• My hat's off to Shonda Rhimes.

  

  Octavia Spencer
  • Hat
  • Off

• In the name of the constitution of Texas, which has been trampled upon, I refuse to take this oath. I love Texas too well to bring civil strife and bloodshed upon her.

  

  Sam Houston
  • Constitution
  • Refuse
  • Strife

• I believe that we should be able to marry whom ever we choose. As long as both people are willing... I say go for it!

  

  Fefe Dobson
  • People
  • Believe
  • Long

• By four years of age, the average child in a family receiving public assistance has heard about 13 million words, compared to 45 million for a child from a wealthier family. The disadvantages developed during their first four years are usually still present in high school.

  

  Sal Albanese
  • School
  • Family
  • High

• It's always good to be working.

  

  Ja Rule
  • Good
  • Always
  • Working

• If once you forfeit the confidence of your fellow-citizens, you can never regain their respect and esteem.

  

  Abraham Lincoln
  • Respect
  • Never
  • Confidence

• Ireland, in breadth, and for wholesomeness and serenity of climate, far surpasses Britain; for the snow scarcely ever lies there above three days: no man makes hay in the summer for winter's provision, or builds stables for his beasts of burden... the island abounds in milk and honey.

  

  Venerable Bede
  • Man
  • Lies
  • Summer

• I never really ate that bad, I just ate too much. It wasn't like I had to switch to whole wheat bread or something like that. I really just had to eat less of what I was eating, and I had to exercise more.

  

  Patrick Stump Fall Out Boy
  • Bad
  • Exercise
  • Eating

• I'm lucky because I remember my dad showing me 'Independence Day,' and I loved it.

  

  Maika Monroe
  • Remember
  • Dad
  • Day

• D.C.'s a tough place to get love unless you're from D.C. It's like everybody hates you here. The only black person that everyone can agree on is Obama.

  

  Wale
  • Like
  • Person
  • Agree

• That's my mentality. Just because somebody has fouled me, there is no reason for me to be nasty to him. I try to respect football as much as possible, and when someone is injured, you put the ball out.

  

  Eden Hazard
  • Respect
  • Reason
  • Football

• Upon graduation, believe it or not, I had no job. I had no interviews. I had no prospects. I had no worries. What I did have, I had passion. I had enormous passion. I had passion for financial markets. I had fallen in love with financial markets.

  

  Gary Cohn
  • Believe
  • Job
  • Passion

• The emphasis on innovation and technology in our companies has resulted in a few of them establishing global benchmarks in product design and development, manufacturing practices and human resource capabilities. However, there is no room for complacency.

  

  Baba Kalyani
  • Technology
  • Design
  • Innovation

• I've always liked to go down a different path. Being a woman of color, I never followed a cookie cutter way.

  

  Halle Berry
  • Different
  • Path
  • Color

• Normally I sleep in until 7, and most days, I go right into the office. On Tuesdays, though, I stay home and do work. I need a day when I'm not in meeting after meeting. You need time to try to get into your head again and see what's next.

  

  Maria Cornejo
  • Time
  • Work
  • Home

• I wanted to write a novel that would make others feel the history: the pain and fear that black people have had to live through in order to endure.

  

  Octavia E. Butler
  • People
  • Live
  • History

• I'd like to think I'd never do a gratuitous fart joke.

  

  Harold Ramis
  • Think
  • Like
  • Never

• ... stress hormones are meant to give us the strength and endurance to respond to extraordinary conditions. People who actively do something to deal with a disaster - rescuing loved ones or strangers, transporting people to a hospital, being a part of a medical team, pitching tents or cooking meals - utilize their stress hormones for their proper purpose and therefore are at much lower risk of becoming traumatized.

  

  Bessel van der Kolk
  • Risk
  • Respond
  • Strangers

• My standup is observational, but it's self-observational, and it's self-deprecating, definitely.

  

  Chelsea Handler