Chelsea Handler Quotes
I always thought to myself, 'I don't want to be doing stand-up when I'm 40 years old.'
Quotes to Explore
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All I came to Los Angeles with was a dream. No one from my family ever left Ohio.
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The first decent building I did with my own practice was a chapel in Taiwan.
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Through the years of experience I have found that air offers less resistance than dirt.
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Don't sell credits; don't sell walk-on roles... If people want to back you, they'll back you. But if you have to entice people will walk-on roles and crazy credits, you're undermining yourself.
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In its worse forms, conservatism is a matter of 'I hate strangers and anything that's different.'
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Human beings are a social species. We like to hang together in groups, just like wildebeests, just like lions. Wildebeests don't hang with lions because lions eat wildebeests. Human beings are like that. We do what that group does that we're trying to identify with.
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Leaving Egypt and the people I loved so much, and the environment I liked, was definitely worth it, because I also have great love for medicine and science.
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I did a lot of stunts, so the harness work isn't foreign to me either.
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On Monday mornings I am dedicated to the proposition that all men are created jerks.
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Honestly, I find writing to be a very lonely job.
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I used to wear miniskirts with my GB top, and sparkly sandals, and the boys would be like: 'Oh my gosh, this girl cannot be serious.'
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If you can't play guitar and sing in Nashville, you might as well just be a construction worker.
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As anyone who has covered the company for any length of time knows, Yahoo's record on major decision-making has been akin to a hippie commune - a lot of wrangling internally in a culture where everyone seems to have a voice and a reticence to push the button to launch.
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Fairy tales opened up a door into my imagination - they don't conform to the reality that's around you as a child. I started reading when I was three and read everything, but I wanted to be an actress.
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Every Jew is my brother, and I will not succumb to hate speech.
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I am a compulsive and concise shopper.
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The first week Banks was with us, we knew he was going to be a star.
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There is no kind of music I don't listen to. Everything good is interesting. I am as happy with a Bach fugue as I am with a record by Thelonious Monk.
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To develop your own voice, you have to keep writing a ton, and this is something where I think Twitter is helpful. I use it to write a ton of jokes. You have to write a ton of bad stuff before you know what you're good at. And that's what some people I think have trouble with, the thought of getting past the bad stuff.
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It is of small importance whether De Stijl still exists as a 'group'; a new style was born, a new aesthetic created; it needs only to be understood – and cultivated.
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When Corporate America finds a Jayson Blair in its midst, the standard operating procedure is to circle the wagons and deny that any form of liability extends up the chain of command.
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It's like there's something very maternal about Wonder Woman: when push comes to shove, if nobody else wants to do it, Wonder Woman would step up and take care of business. But she doesn't want to do it, and she would never take any delight in it. That's Wonder Woman to me.
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Family is very important to me. People often ask me how I managed to stay grounded and sane, having started as a child star and growing up in the industry, and really, it's God. But it's also my family and God in my family.
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I always thought to myself, 'I don't want to be doing stand-up when I'm 40 years old.'
