Daniel Handler Quotes
A newspaper, as I'm sure you know, is a collection of supposedly true stories written down by writers who either saw them happen or talked to people who did. These writers are called journalists, and like telephone operators, butchers, ballerinas, and people who clean up after horses, journalists can sometimes make mistakes. - Lemony Snicket
Daniel Handler
Quotes to Explore
They could not love anymore, they thought, just drink and pour coffee and track people down in the rain. They were living frigidly, as if in a cone of frost.
Daniel Handler
Richard Wright, an American novelist of the realist school, asks a famous unfathomable question in his best-known novel, Native Son. Who knows when some slight shock, he asks, disturbing the delicate balance between social order and thirsty aspiration, shall send the skyscrapers in our cities toppling?
Daniel Handler
It is my solemn duty to stay up all night researching and writing the history of these three hapless youngsters, but you may be more comfortable getting a good night's sleep. In that case, you should probably choose some other book.
Daniel Handler
Klaus: Yes, sir.
Daniel Handler
I'm happier than a pig eating bacon!' Count Olaf cried. 'I'm tickled pinker than a sun-burned Caucasian! I'm in higher spirits than a brand-new graveyard! I'm so happy-go-lucky that lucky and happy people are going to beat me with sticks out of pure, unbridled jealousy!
Daniel Handler
I can cook anything.
Daniel Handler
The right boys I always toss and the wrong ones I keep on top of me like paperweights.
Daniel Handler
I write every day weekdays for about 5 hours, mostly longhand on legal pads. It has gotten neither harder nor easier, sadly or happily.
Daniel Handler
I'm always interested to see what films are made of books. I kind of don't participate as a filmgoer in any kind of debate about what's better, the book or the movie. So I think it's interesting when people want to do it.
Daniel Handler
Having an aura of menace is like having a pet weasel, because you rarely meet someone who has one, and when you do it makes you want to hide under the coffee table.
Daniel Handler
Perhaps if we saw what was ahead of us, and glimpsed the crimes, follies, and misfortunes that would befall us later on, we would all stay in our mother's wombs, and there would be nobody in the world but a great number of very fat, very irritated women.
Daniel Handler
C is for CuteA is for AdorableR is for RavishingM is for GorgeousE is for ExcellentL is for LovableI is for I'm the best!T is for TalentedA is for 'A tap dancing ballerina fairy princess veterinarian! NOW LET'S START MY WHOLE WONDERFUL SONG ALL OVER AGAIN!
Daniel Handler
Money money money money money money money money money. Let no one say it has no place in a love story. It has a particular place. It is something on the right shelf.
Daniel Handler
Like all fairy tales, the story of Sleeping Beauty begins with 'Once upon a time,' and continues with a foolish young princess who makes a witch very angry, and then takes a nap until her boyfriend wakes her up with a kiss and insists on getting married, at which point the story ends with the phrase 'happily ever after.'
Daniel Handler
I’m sure you have heard it said that appearance does not matter so much, and that it is what's on the inside that counts. This is, of course, utter nonsense, because if it were true then people who were good on the inside would never have to comb their hair or take a bath, and the whole world would smell even worse than it already does. -Lemony Snicket
Daniel Handler
The pages of this book, I'm sorry to inform you, contain such unpleasantries as a giant pincer machine, a bad casserole, a man with a cloud of smoke where his head should be, a hypnotist, a terrible accident resulting in injury, and coupons.
Daniel Handler
Truth be told, within the chapters that make up this dreadful story, the children will face snapping crabs, strict punishments, dripping fungus, comprehensive exams, violin recitals, S.O.R.E., and the metric system.
Daniel Handler
The sad truth is that the truth is sad.
Daniel Handler
The world is a harum-scarum place.' 'Harum?' Sunny asked. It's complicated and confusing,' Olivia explained. They say that long ago it was simple and quiet, but that might be a legend.
Daniel Handler
I listen to Morricone, the famed Italian film composer, while I'm working.
Daniel Handler
If i were a little braver i would have asked her something like, 'Do you think Kickass: the movie is a comedy in the traditional, classical sense?' and we could have that conversation and it would lead to other conversations during the flat and lonely times.
Daniel Handler
If you are looking for a story about cheerful youngsters spending a jolly time at boarding school, look elsewhere. Violet, Klaus, and Sunny Baudelaire are intelligent and resourceful children, and you might expect that they would do very well at school. Don't. For the Baudelaires, school turns out to be another miserable episode in their unlucky lives.
Daniel Handler
As the hook-handed man circled the brig, it was as if the Baudelaires were picking through a chef's salad consisting mostly of dreadful- and perhaps even poisonous- ingredients, trying desperately to find the one noble crouton that might save their sister....
Daniel Handler
she gave me a puzzled frown like she thought offhand i was dead but the media's so unreliable these days.
Daniel Handler
