Bill Engvall Quotes
Standup is a form of therapy. It is OK to tell problems to your audience as long as you are being honest and not boring them. I tell them that I am saving $75 an hour when I talk to them instead of a therapist.
Quotes to Explore
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You know, on the road, I never miss a meal. I eat five, six, seven times a day, depending on when I wake up and when I got to sleep. I never miss a training day. I always get my four days out of my seven.
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I tell people in Chicago to take care of themselves.
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Most people get excited about games, but I've got to be excited about practice, because that's my classroom.
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Any woman who wishes to smash into the world of men isn't very feminine.
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I'm married. I've been with my husband for six years. Now that I know what a healthy relationship is, I find I can write better about the unhealthiness of relationships.
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There is no chance and anarchy in the universe. All is system and gradation. Every god is there sitting in his sphere.
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I think writers have to be proactive: they've got to use new technology and social media. Yes, it's hard to get noticed by traditional publishers, but there's a great deal of opportunity out there if you've got the right story.
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I am a crazy Maverick fan. I would go there if Dallas was a great entertainment center.
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When I find the right information, the Web is a blessing; when I don't, it's a distraction.
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I don't believe we have defined health care reform very well in this country.
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Wickets are like wives. You never know what to expect from them.
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Communities don't think, don't believe, don't want, don't have needs, don't have interests and don't make decisions. Only individuals have minds that generate desires and needs - and only individuals can make choices and decisions.
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Politicians are so detested. And the main cause is not policy; it's the fact that there is no trust.
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Starting at 11, I was a movie-theater popcorn girl, a babysitter, a sales clerk - in the Midwest, they start them early!
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My husband and I are just really laid back people.
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All happiness or unhappiness solely depends upon the quality of the object to which we are attached by love.
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After university, I was working as a stylist in the Paris theatres when I had a flash of inspiration. I made necklaces from the bikinis designed for the cabaret performers of Folies Bergeres. I was so happy with them that it was only then that I sought out formal training in jewelry.
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If you realize too acutely how valuable time is, you are too paralyzed to do anything.
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Try telling people in the Seventies that butter was healthier for you than margarine, and they would force feed you with Stork.
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American Gods is about 200,000 words long, and I'm sure there are words that are simply in there 'cause I like them. I know I couldn't justify each and every one of them.
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In an attempt to help me move on from my failed marriage, my mom set me up with Jesus Freak. In fact, the stoner hadn't even finished moving out when she told me not to worry, because she already had someone better lined up for me. I was just lonely and desperate enough to endure a four-month celibate long distance relationship with a guy who read 15 chapters of the Bible and prayed for two hours every day and expected me to follow suit. He wanted to give our hypothetical children Bible names and for us to move to Korea to become missionaries.
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I don't know if I'm always going to be acting. Maybe when I grow up, I will be a scriptwriter. I already have a few scripts in my head.
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When the attention started to be about my figure, I was surprised, because it wasn't something I was focused on.
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Standup is a form of therapy. It is OK to tell problems to your audience as long as you are being honest and not boring them. I tell them that I am saving $75 an hour when I talk to them instead of a therapist.
