Bill Hicks Quotes
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mimics someone complaining about second hand smoke Good theory. But guess what, if I don't smoke there's going to be secondary bullets coming your way, 'cause I'm that tense.
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People in the United Kingdom and outside the United States share my bemusement with the United States that America doesn't share with itself.
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How many people, when you watched the LA riots on the news, were like me, watching the people getting hauled out of their cars and beaten half to death? How many people were like me seeing this and thinking 'Step on the fucking gas, man. They're on foot, you're in a truck … I think I see a way outta this.'
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You ever notice that people who believe in creationism look really unevolved? Eyes real close together, big furry hands and feet. 'I believe God created me in one day.' Yeah, looks like he rushed it.
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Your denial is beneath you, and thanks to the use of hallucinogenic drugs, I see through you.
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Women priests. Great, great. Now there's priests of both sexes I don't listen to.
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I don't know what you all believe, and I don't really care … but you have to admit that beliefs are odd. Lots of Christians wear crosses around their necks … you really think when Jesus comes back, he ever wants to see a fucking cross?
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I tell you, Satan's gonna have no trouble taking over here 'cause all the women are gonna say: 'What a cute butt.' 'He's Satan!' 'You don't know him like I do.' 'He's the Prince of Darkness!' 'I can change him.'
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'I believe that the Bible is the literal word of God.' And I say no, it's not, Dad. 'Well, I believe that it is.' Well, you know, some people believe they're Napoleon. That's fine. Beliefs are neat. Cherish them, but don't share them like they're the truth.
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It's all about money, not freedom, y'all, okay? Nothing to do with fuckin' freedom. If you think you're free, try going somewhere without fucking money, okay?
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'Now, you have to tighten your belts, because we, your leaders, mis-spent your hard-earned money.' Know what would make tightening my belt a little easier? If I could tighten it around Jesse Helms' scrawny little chicken-neck.
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I just have one of those faces. People come up to me and say, 'What's wrong?' Nothing. 'Well, it takes more energy to frown than it does to smile.' Yeah, you know it takes more energy to point that out than it does to leave me alone?
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(On Standards & Practices): 'Where are your standards?....Stupid to retarded, is that the level of standards you’re trying to put out to America?'