Bill Hicks Quotes
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I deal only in facts, that's why I'm a cocky fuckin' bastard.
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There is no such thing as death; life is only a dream, and we are the imagination of ourselves.
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Ultimately, it is in fun. It is supposed to be highly entertaining.
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Those guys in the Persian Gulf War were in hog heaven, man. They had a weapons catalog, 'What's G-12 do, Tommy?' 'Says here it destroys everything but the fillings in their teeth, helps pay for the war effort.' Well, shit, pull that one up!' 'Pull up G-12, please.' sound of a missile launch, several beats, then an explosion '...Cool. What's G-13 do?'
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takes a drag of his cigarette Mmmm mmmm, tastes like steak and potatoes doesn't it? Mmmm.
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As long as one person lives in darkness then it seems to be a responsibility to tell other people.
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We are the facilitators of our own creative evolution.
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When two or more people agree on an issue, I form on the other side.
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I don't like anything in the mainstream and they don't like me.
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People pay lip service to saving the planet, but they don't – they fail to make the big leap that if you want to save the planet, kill your fucking self. The planet will be saved without you. And what a delightful place it'll be. Welcome. It's a new thing I'm working on, called 'The Comedy of Hate'. Join in.
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Speaking of Satan, I was watching Rush Limbaugh the other day.
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Life is only a dream and we are the imagination of ourselves.
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The best kind of comedy to me is when you make people laugh at things they've never laughed at, and also take a light into the darkened corners of people's minds, exposing them to the light.
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Children are smarter than any of us. Know how I know that? I don't know one child with a full time job and children.
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We all pay for life with death, so everything in between should be free.
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I was walking through Central Park, and I saw an old man smoking. Nothing makes a smoker happier than to see an old person smoking. This guy was ancient, bent over a walker, puffing away. I'm like, 'Duuude, you're my hero! Guy your age smoking, man, it's great.' He goes, 'What? I'm 28.'
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I don't mean to sound bitter, cold, or cruel, but I am, so that's how it comes out.
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And if I can take part in it by transforming my own consciousness, then someone else's, I'm happy to do it.
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I'm a heavy smoker. I go through two lighters a day.
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I guess what surprised me the most was the discrepancy in casualties: Iraq, one hundred fifty thousand casualties, USA...seventy-nine! Let's go over those numbers again, they're a little baffling at first. Iraq, 150,000, USA 79. Does that mean we could have won with only 80 guys there? Just one guy in a ticker-tape parade, 'I did it! Hey!'
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I don't do drugs anymore... than, say, the average touring funk band.
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People say, 'Uh-Uh, Bill, Iraq had the fourth-largest army in the world.' Yeah, well, maybe, but, you know what? After the first three largest armies there's a really big fucking drop-off, okay? The Hare Krishnas are the fifth largest army in the world, and they've already got all our airports. So, who is the bigger threat?
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I'll smoke, I'll cough, I'll get the tumors, I'll die, deal? Thank you America. salutes.
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I loved when Bush came out and said, 'We are losing the war against drugs.' You know what that implies? There's a war being fought, and the people on drugs are winning it.