Bill Hicks Quotes
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I deal only in facts, that's why I'm a cocky fuckin' bastard.
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There is no such thing as death; life is only a dream, and we are the imagination of ourselves.
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As long as one person lives in darkness then it seems to be a responsibility to tell other people.
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Ultimately, it is in fun. It is supposed to be highly entertaining.
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takes a drag of his cigarette Mmmm mmmm, tastes like steak and potatoes doesn't it? Mmmm.
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Those guys in the Persian Gulf War were in hog heaven, man. They had a weapons catalog, 'What's G-12 do, Tommy?' 'Says here it destroys everything but the fillings in their teeth, helps pay for the war effort.' Well, shit, pull that one up!' 'Pull up G-12, please.' sound of a missile launch, several beats, then an explosion '...Cool. What's G-13 do?'
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I don't like anything in the mainstream and they don't like me.
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When two or more people agree on an issue, I form on the other side.
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People pay lip service to saving the planet, but they don't – they fail to make the big leap that if you want to save the planet, kill your fucking self. The planet will be saved without you. And what a delightful place it'll be. Welcome. It's a new thing I'm working on, called 'The Comedy of Hate'. Join in.
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We are the facilitators of our own creative evolution.
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The best kind of comedy to me is when you make people laugh at things they've never laughed at, and also take a light into the darkened corners of people's minds, exposing them to the light.
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We all pay for life with death, so everything in between should be free.
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Children are smarter than any of us. Know how I know that? I don't know one child with a full time job and children.
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Speaking of Satan, I was watching Rush Limbaugh the other day.
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I guess what surprised me the most was the discrepancy in casualties: Iraq, one hundred fifty thousand casualties, USA...seventy-nine! Let's go over those numbers again, they're a little baffling at first. Iraq, 150,000, USA 79. Does that mean we could have won with only 80 guys there? Just one guy in a ticker-tape parade, 'I did it! Hey!'
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I was walking through Central Park, and I saw an old man smoking. Nothing makes a smoker happier than to see an old person smoking. This guy was ancient, bent over a walker, puffing away. I'm like, 'Duuude, you're my hero! Guy your age smoking, man, it's great.' He goes, 'What? I'm 28.'
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And if I can take part in it by transforming my own consciousness, then someone else's, I'm happy to do it.
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I don't mean to sound bitter, cold, or cruel, but I am, so that's how it comes out.
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People say, 'Uh-Uh, Bill, Iraq had the fourth-largest army in the world.' Yeah, well, maybe, but, you know what? After the first three largest armies there's a really big fucking drop-off, okay? The Hare Krishnas are the fifth largest army in the world, and they've already got all our airports. So, who is the bigger threat?
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I'm a heavy smoker. I go through two lighters a day.
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Life is only a dream and we are the imagination of ourselves.
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Yeah, good to be here. I haven't been here in two years...no applause...thanks. It's that warmth I've missed in Austin. Adding extra Southern drawl So, we been here, ain't our fault you gotta travel around, shit. We supposed to follow you around? You supposed to be back here. What are you doin', where are you?
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Why is pot against the law? It wouldn't be because anyone can grow it, and therefore you can't make a profit off it, would it?
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Anybody can be a bum; all it takes is the right girl, the right bar and the right friends, and you are well… your buddies will see you off. They'll christen your dumpster for you.