Bill Hicks Quotes
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I deal only in facts, that's why I'm a cocky fuckin' bastard.
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Those guys in the Persian Gulf War were in hog heaven, man. They had a weapons catalog, 'What's G-12 do, Tommy?' 'Says here it destroys everything but the fillings in their teeth, helps pay for the war effort.' Well, shit, pull that one up!' 'Pull up G-12, please.' sound of a missile launch, several beats, then an explosion '...Cool. What's G-13 do?'
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Music is a great energizer. It's a language everybody knows.
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People often ask me where I stand politically. It's not that I disagree with Bush's economic policy or his foreign policy, it's that I believe he was a child of Satan sent here to destroy the planet Earth. Little to the left.
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takes a drag of his cigarette Mmmm mmmm, tastes like steak and potatoes doesn't it? Mmmm.
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We are the facilitators of our own creative evolution.
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As long as one person lives in darkness then it seems to be a responsibility to tell other people.
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Life is only a dream and we are the imagination of ourselves.
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Speaking of Satan, I was watching Rush Limbaugh the other day.
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People pay lip service to saving the planet, but they don't – they fail to make the big leap that if you want to save the planet, kill your fucking self. The planet will be saved without you. And what a delightful place it'll be. Welcome. It's a new thing I'm working on, called 'The Comedy of Hate'. Join in.
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I don't like anything in the mainstream and they don't like me.
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I was walking through Central Park, and I saw an old man smoking. Nothing makes a smoker happier than to see an old person smoking. This guy was ancient, bent over a walker, puffing away. I'm like, 'Duuude, you're my hero! Guy your age smoking, man, it's great.' He goes, 'What? I'm 28.'
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When two or more people agree on an issue, I form on the other side.
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Children are smarter than any of us. Know how I know that? I don't know one child with a full time job and children.
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The whole image is that eternal suffering awaits anyone who questions God's infinite love. That's the message we're brought up with, isn't it? Believe or die! Thank you, forgiving Lord, for all those options.
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I don't mean to sound bitter, cold, or cruel, but I am, so that's how it comes out.
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I don't do drugs anymore... than, say, the average touring funk band.
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I'll smoke, I'll cough, I'll get the tumors, I'll die, deal? Thank you America. salutes.
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The best kind of comedy to me is when you make people laugh at things they've never laughed at, and also take a light into the darkened corners of people's minds, exposing them to the light.
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Why is pot against the law? It wouldn't be because anyone can grow it, and therefore you can't make a profit off it, would it?
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We all pay for life with death, so everything in between should be free.
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I loved when Bush came out and said, 'We are losing the war against drugs.' You know what that implies? There's a war being fought, and the people on drugs are winning it.
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I guess what surprised me the most was the discrepancy in casualties: Iraq, one hundred fifty thousand casualties, USA...seventy-nine! Let's go over those numbers again, they're a little baffling at first. Iraq, 150,000, USA 79. Does that mean we could have won with only 80 guys there? Just one guy in a ticker-tape parade, 'I did it! Hey!'
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I'm a heavy smoker. I go through two lighters a day.