Bill Hicks Quotes
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People suck, and that's my contention. I can prove it on a scratch paper and pen. Give me a fucking Etch-a-sketch, I'll do it in three minutes. The proof, the fact, the factorum. I'll show my work, case closed. I'm tired of this back-slapping 'Aren't humanity neat?' bullshit. We're a virus with shoes, okay? That's all we are.
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I was in a cab in New York. The cab had a sign, 'Please do not smoke, Christ is our unseen guest.' This guy was reaching. I figure, if he could overcome being nailed to a cross, I don't think a Marlboro Light's gonna faze him that much.
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… We live in a world where John Lennon was murdered, yet Barry Manilow continues to put out fucking albums. God-dammit! If you're gonna kill somebody, have some fucking taste. I'll drive you to Kenny Rogers' house.
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People tell me, 'Bill, let it go. The Kennedy assassination was years ago. It was just the assassination of a President and the hijacking of our government by a totalitarian regime — who cares? Just let it go.' I say, 'All right then. That whole Jesus thing? Let it go! It was 2,000 years ago! Who cares?'
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The American dream is a crock. Stop wanting everything. Everyone should wear jeans and have three T-shirts, eat rice and beans.
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They proved that if you quit smoking, it will prolong your life. What they haven't proved is that a prolonged life is a good thing. I haven't seen the stats on that yet.
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It's always funny until someone gets hurt. Then it's just hilarious.
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Where have I been? I've been on my flying saucer tour. Which means like flying saucers I too have been appearing in small southern towns in front of a handful of hillbillies lately...no one doubts my existence.
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If you don't think drugs have done good things for us, then take all of your records, tapes and CD's and burn them.
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How many people disapprove of the job the Conservatives are doing? Seventy percent. Of those same people, how many will vote for them again? ...Seventy percent. What the fuck? Where did they take this poll, at an S&M parlor?
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I don't like anything in the mainstream and they don't like me.
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I'm not really a heavy smoker any more. I only get through two lighters a day now.
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If you're so pro-life, do me a favour: don't lock arms and block medical clinics. If you're so pro-life, lock arms and block cemeteries.
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I am available for children's parties, by the way.
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People often ask me where I stand politically. It's not that I disagree with Bush's economic policy or his foreign policy, it's that I believe he was a child of Satan sent here to destroy the planet Earth. Little to the left.
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Music is a great energizer. It's a language everybody knows.
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I'm sorry if any of you are Catholic. I'm not sorry if you're offended, I'm actually just sorry by the fact that you're Catholic.
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takes a drag of his cigarette Mmmm mmmm, tastes like steak and potatoes doesn't it? Mmmm.
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I deal only in facts, that's why I'm a cocky fuckin' bastard.
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Those guys in the Persian Gulf War were in hog heaven, man. They had a weapons catalog, 'What's G-12 do, Tommy?' 'Says here it destroys everything but the fillings in their teeth, helps pay for the war effort.' Well, shit, pull that one up!' 'Pull up G-12, please.' sound of a missile launch, several beats, then an explosion '...Cool. What's G-13 do?'
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As long as one person lives in darkness then it seems to be a responsibility to tell other people.
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When two or more people agree on an issue, I form on the other side.
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There is no such thing as death; life is only a dream, and we are the imagination of ourselves.
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Why do we put people who are on drugs in jail? They're sick, they're not criminals. Sick people don't get healed in prison. You see? It makes no sense.