Bill Hicks Quotes
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Speaking of Satan, I was watching Rush Limbaugh the other day. Doesn't Rush Limbaugh remind you of one of those gay guys that like to lie in a tub while other guys pee on him?
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Why is pot against the law? It wouldn't be because anyone can grow it, and therefore you can't make a profit off it, would it?
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Anybody can be a bum; all it takes is the right girl, the right bar and the right friends, and you are well… your buddies will see you off. They'll christen your dumpster for you.
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Yeah, good to be here. I haven't been here in two years...no applause...thanks. It's that warmth I've missed in Austin. Adding extra Southern drawl So, we been here, ain't our fault you gotta travel around, shit. We supposed to follow you around? You supposed to be back here. What are you doin', where are you?
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I left in love, in laughter, and in truth, and wherever truth, love and laughter abide, I am there in spirit.
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I wish I could meet a Christian who would proselytize to me, but they keep running away from me. I wanna talk to you all.
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Courtroom for Ted Bundy's trial is packed with women, trying to meet him and give him love letters and wedding-fucking-proposals...and the first thought that enters my mind is, 'And I'm not getting laid.' What am I doing wrong?
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Not all drugs are good, all right? Some of them … are great. Just gotta know your way around them, is all.
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I began working quite young, writing, growing, maturing, always striving to top myself - to make people laugh hard at things they know and believe deep in their hearts to be true.
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Listen, the next revolution is gonna be a revolution of ideas.
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The whole image is that eternal suffering awaits anyone who questions God's infinite love. That's the message we're brought up with, isn't it? Believe or die! Thank you, forgiving Lord, for all those options.
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I hate patriotism... I can't stand it. It's a round world last time I checked.
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You ever look at their faces? 'We're pro-life.' Don't they look it? Don't they just exude joie de vivre?
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to audience member How much do you smoke a day sir? the man says a pack Pack! What a little puss. Gosh, why don't you just put a dress on and show it all to us while you smoke your little faggoty pack. C'mon, swish around for us. Damnit that pisses me off. I go through two lighters a day, dude. I'm starting to feel it.
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They lie about marijuana. Tell you pot-smoking makes you unmotivated. Lie! When you're high, you can do everything you normally do just as well – you just realize that it's not worth the fucking effort. There is a difference.
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One time me and three friends dropped acid and drove around in my dad's car. He has one of those talking cars, we're tripping, and the car goes, 'The door is ajar.' We pulled over and thought about that for 12 hours. 'How can a door be a jar?' … 'Why would they put a jar on a car?' … 'Oh man, the freeway's melting!' … 'Put it in the jar.'
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(On drug laws): Isn’t that weird, we’ve made nature against the law. That’s how un-natural we’ve become.
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(On being called cynical & skeptical): 'I do have a healthy skepticism, I think we all should. But I think if you listen closely enough, you’ll find that my message, if I as a joke-blower could be pompous enough to have one, is that we’re all alright and it’s gonna work out. I don’t find that cynical at all.'
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(On being censored): 'I didn’t go up and say the Pope’s a faggot!....Which is what he is, but I didn’t say that!'
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I'm totally confused about what I'm going to do with my life.
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Marijuana: a drug that kills … no one – and let's put it in a time frame – ever. Illegal.
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I've been on what I call my UFO Tour, which means, like UFOs, I too have been appearing in small southern towns in front of a handful of hillbillies lately. I've been doubting my own existence.
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People in the U.K. share my bemusement with the United States that America doesn't share with itself. They have a sense of irony, which America doesn't have, seeing as it's being run by fundamentalists who take things literally.
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I get a kick out of being an outsider constantly. It allows me to be creative.