Bill Hicks Quotes
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I'll smoke, I'll cough, I'll get the tumors, I'll die, deal? Thank you America. salutes.
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I left in love, in laughter, and in truth, and wherever truth, love and laughter abide, I am there in spirit.
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Speaking of Satan, I was watching Rush Limbaugh the other day. Doesn't Rush Limbaugh remind you of one of those gay guys that like to lie in a tub while other guys pee on him?
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Not all drugs are good, all right? Some of them … are great. Just gotta know your way around them, is all.
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Courtroom for Ted Bundy's trial is packed with women, trying to meet him and give him love letters and wedding-fucking-proposals...and the first thought that enters my mind is, 'And I'm not getting laid.' What am I doing wrong?
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Listen, the next revolution is gonna be a revolution of ideas.
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I don't do drugs anymore... than, say, the average touring funk band.
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I wish I could meet a Christian who would proselytize to me, but they keep running away from me. I wanna talk to you all.
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I began working quite young, writing, growing, maturing, always striving to top myself - to make people laugh hard at things they know and believe deep in their hearts to be true.
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They lie about marijuana. Tell you pot-smoking makes you unmotivated. Lie! When you're high, you can do everything you normally do just as well – you just realize that it's not worth the fucking effort. There is a difference.
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I hate patriotism... I can't stand it. It's a round world last time I checked.
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to audience member How much do you smoke a day sir? the man says a pack Pack! What a little puss. Gosh, why don't you just put a dress on and show it all to us while you smoke your little faggoty pack. C'mon, swish around for us. Damnit that pisses me off. I go through two lighters a day, dude. I'm starting to feel it.
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I'm totally confused about what I'm going to do with my life.
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One time me and three friends dropped acid and drove around in my dad's car. He has one of those talking cars, we're tripping, and the car goes, 'The door is ajar.' We pulled over and thought about that for 12 hours. 'How can a door be a jar?' … 'Why would they put a jar on a car?' … 'Oh man, the freeway's melting!' … 'Put it in the jar.'
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(On being called cynical & skeptical): 'I do have a healthy skepticism, I think we all should. But I think if you listen closely enough, you’ll find that my message, if I as a joke-blower could be pompous enough to have one, is that we’re all alright and it’s gonna work out. I don’t find that cynical at all.'
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You ever look at their faces? 'We're pro-life.' Don't they look it? Don't they just exude joie de vivre?
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I get a kick out of being an outsider constantly. It allows me to be creative.
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I've been on what I call my UFO Tour, which means, like UFOs, I too have been appearing in small southern towns in front of a handful of hillbillies lately. I've been doubting my own existence.
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(On drug laws): Isn’t that weird, we’ve made nature against the law. That’s how un-natural we’ve become.
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Marijuana: a drug that kills … no one – and let's put it in a time frame – ever. Illegal.
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People in the U.K. share my bemusement with the United States that America doesn't share with itself. They have a sense of irony, which America doesn't have, seeing as it's being run by fundamentalists who take things literally.
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I loved when Bush came out and said, 'We are losing the war against drugs.' You know what that implies? There's a war being fought, and the people on drugs are winning it.
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People in the United Kingdom and outside the United States share my bemusement with the United States that America doesn't share with itself.
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You ever notice that people who believe in creationism look really unevolved? Eyes real close together, big furry hands and feet. 'I believe God created me in one day.' Yeah, looks like he rushed it.