Carlos Mencia Quotes
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Race makes things funny. A black guy driving in NASCAR: not funny. A black guy driving a car sponsored by Tide: not funny. A black guy driving a car sponsored by Aunt Jemima: hilarious.
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America is such a great country, we have fat poor people.
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Growing up, I didn't know anything about comedy and didn't know anything about comedians or what standup was. I grew up in the projects with no dream of anything, it was in my formatting when i got older and started talking to my friends about how I felt, they would be like, "dude, that's funny." Then one day my friend was like, "Dude, you don't understand how funny you are, you need to do standup"!
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People want to complain... my point especially when it comes to racial humor is... we have that diversity, so I don't look at it like we are making fun of people, I look at it as how awesome is it that we can talk about this stuff, that we do have this kind of diversity, that we do live in a country that shows an array, unlike any other in the world.
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If you aren't laughing, you aren't living!
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That's not news! When a shark comes out of the water, walks into a 7-11, and bites you in the ass, then it's news!
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Dee Dee Dee dosen't mean mentally retarded. It means stupid. This song goes out to all the stupid people out there. Your gonna find this song hilarious, and you don't even know it's about you.
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When you are younger, you pretend to believe, but you are proving it to everyone and to yourself. The change comes when you know you're funny on the inside. Then you don't have to prove it to anybody else anymore. That's when you become different and that's when you evolved onto a completely different level, because you know who you are.
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It is never okay to use the toilet with the door open... I never want to know what comes out of there because sometimes I eat at that restaurant.
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If you're Filipino, you're the beaner of the Asian community 'cause you're just like us. You're indigenous people that got banged by some Spaniards. That's why you have names like Kwan Ping Del Toro.
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We dropped two bombs on Nagasaki and Hiroshima, and the name of the plane that delivered the weapons was the Enola Gay. Do you know why? Because we wanted them to know that they were about to get boned in the ass.
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If God made Adam and Eve, they had children... wait a minute... that means someone banged their sister!
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As the artist, you have to live in order to experience life to put that out there, and when you are successful in America and in the world, your point of view is the 5% and not the 95%, but you have to represent the 95% so you have to find a way to experience life the way they do.
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Like my father I, too, was born in Central America - Nebraska.
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If you ain't laughing, you ain't living, baby.
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I have little compassion for people in trailer parks who refuse to move after getting tornado warnings. How hard is it for them to relocate? Their houses have wheels.
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I don't have the time to steal other people's material even if I wanted to. The reason why these rumors got started is that I don't really contest them because I don't believe they deserve contesting. I really don't.
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Here, let's go to my dressing room, and I promise, I'll only put it in for a second.
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Why are we rebuilding New Orleans? Whose idea was this, Aquaman?
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If I were to say that I grew up in East Los Angeles in the projects poor, I assumed that everybody understood that it came with its own reasons for being the way I am. I didn't get that people needed to understand where my comedy came from; I thought that they knew that. Now I tell people.
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In all honesty, we don't know what's in the hearts of other men. All I know is that I respect comedy and I know comedy. I would never, ever, ever take somebody else's joke.
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When white people wear baggy clothing and speak gibberish they're homeless, when black people wear baggy clothing and speak gibberish they're called rappers.
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If you ask me right now, you've seen the last of Mind of Mencia. I don't want to be a one-trick pony. I would rather walk away and do more movies, comedy and even some dramatic roles.
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When a black person has no electricity, no water, they call it the ghetto. When white people have no electricity and no water, they call it camping.