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Dee Dee Dee dosen't mean mentally retarded. It means stupid. This song goes out to all the stupid people out there. Your gonna find this song hilarious, and you don't even know it's about you.
Carlos Mencia -
That's not news! When a shark comes out of the water, walks into a 7-11, and bites you in the ass, then it's news!
Carlos Mencia
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At the end of the day, I don't think I am going to be judged by what happened in the 90's and 2000's, at the end of the day my career will be judged from beginning to end and everything in between.
Carlos Mencia -
The problem with the world is there's too many stupid people and nobody to eat them.
Carlos Mencia -
I don't need anybody, I'm successful in life enough to buy myself a f'ing sandwich.
Carlos Mencia -
And for all of you at home, you are all welcome to visit my store. You are also welcome to park off you motherparking parks, and go park yourself. But remember, don't park in a handicapped spot.
Carlos Mencia -
Everything I do is intended to make people laugh and think. I just think something is funny, it's not hurting anybody, not stabbing anybody, not shooting anybody, not making anybody watch me perform. There are thousands of comedians, don't come see me because it's not like I hide it.
Carlos Mencia -
Like my father I, too, was born in Central America - Nebraska.
Carlos Mencia
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Hurricane Katrina was caused by political correctness. I said it!
Carlos Mencia -
If your gonna drop out of school / tough grades are not your goal / then change your name to Candy and learn to work a pole.
Carlos Mencia -
I was born in Honduras, that's where I was born. I live in California, where no matter what you say, you're Mexican. You understand that? It doesn't matter what you say. See - you don't understand that, white people, because wherever you go, you're white. You're here, you're white. You go to L. A., you're white. You go to Denver, you're white. You go to Miami, you're still white. In L. A. I'm a Mexican, In Florida, I'm a Cuban. In New York, I'm a Puerto Rican. And when I come to Canada and I find out I'm an Eskimo.
Carlos Mencia -
Listen, here's my questions to anybody when they talk about comedy. When you are with your friends who don't judge you, what do you say? And if that's appropriate to say with your friends, why is it not appropriate anywhere else. Like I hate those people who judge me and are hypocrites.
Carlos Mencia -
Know your religion, know who you are and don't be ashamed.
Carlos Mencia -
If I were to say that I grew up in East Los Angeles in the projects poor, I assumed that everybody understood that it came with its own reasons for being the way I am. I didn't get that people needed to understand where my comedy came from; I thought that they knew that. Now I tell people.
Carlos Mencia
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My brain is very simple. Like when you break everything down. I see things in a simple way. And that simplicity for some reason becomes funny to other people because they don't look at it that way.
Carlos Mencia -
When it comes to my daughter, I'm a conservative. But when it comes to your daughter, I'm a liberal!
Carlos Mencia -
When white people eat potato chips, they're called white people. When black people eat potato chips, they're called niggas.
Carlos Mencia -
In all honesty, we don't know what's in the hearts of other men. All I know is that I respect comedy and I know comedy. I would never, ever, ever take somebody else's joke.
Carlos Mencia -
When you are younger, you pretend to believe, but you are proving it to everyone and to yourself. The change comes when you know you're funny on the inside. Then you don't have to prove it to anybody else anymore. That's when you become different and that's when you evolved onto a completely different level, because you know who you are.
Carlos Mencia -
What I say is stupid. Who takes a comedian seriously? I'm doing sophisticated knock-knock jokes.
Carlos Mencia
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I don't want to spend my time thinking about somebody else, I want to spend my time just being me and embracing life and living it and being there. At the end of the day, I'm responsible for my words and my thoughts and that's how I live.
Carlos Mencia -
I'm not white, I don't apologize for what my country did to become great
Carlos Mencia -
I grew up in the projects and I know how important it is for kids to have hope.
Carlos Mencia -
I'll know America is in bad shape when Cubans in Miami get in the water and swim back to Cuba.
Carlos Mencia