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I'm glad Hurricane Katrina happened. It taught us an important lesson: black people can't swim.
Carlos Mencia -
When I go onstage, I don't know what I'm going to say. I don't know what's going to come out of my mouth. It's one of those questions where any and everything is possible. I literally could be talking about somebody I was hanging out with two seconds ago or something from the news. Literally, there's really no rhyme or reason for it. I want to be free flowing like that.
Carlos Mencia
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Do not encourage my behaviour.
Carlos Mencia -
Great soul of Gandhi, cover your ears. You will not want to hear this! Listen, you inbred piece of Ku Klux Krap! You white people love to be racist, but the only races you can tell apart are Indianapolis and Daytona. I hope I am reincarnated as toothpaste, so I never have to see you again. Now take your twelve-pack of wife-beating juice and get the park out of my store!
Carlos Mencia -
Why did the 14-year old Mexican girl end up pregnant? Because her teacher told her to go do an essay.
Carlos Mencia -
The essence of what makes life beautiful is the fact that it can go away.
Carlos Mencia -
I never, nor will I, put another person down to feel better about myself. I will live and die by what I do, not what anyone else thinks about me.
Carlos Mencia -
Do you think we care about the feelings of Native Americans when we celebrate Columbus Day? That's the day that the white man discovered a land where Indians had been living for a few thousand years.
Carlos Mencia
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Here, let's go to my dressing room, and I promise, I'll only put it in for a second.
Carlos Mencia -
I'm a spiritual person, I believe that if you read the bible, you get what you want from it. But, when you actually read it, you see the beauty, spirituality, the joy and love and what makes us godly. And then if you read between the lines of all the same books, you always see the human influence in the writing... it's not all about religiousness, it's about spirituality.
Carlos Mencia -
In Texas, if your name is Carlos, you're a Mexican. In Florida, you're a Cuban. In New York, you're a Puerto Rican. And I come here and I find out I'm an Eskimo.
Carlos Mencia -
I'll admit it, the Holocaust was definitely a bad thing, but do we really need Jewish people around? They have big noses. I said it! I said it!
Carlos Mencia