Carlos Mencia Quotes
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When I go onstage, I don't know what I'm going to say. I don't know what's going to come out of my mouth. It's one of those questions where any and everything is possible. I literally could be talking about somebody I was hanging out with two seconds ago or something from the news. Literally, there's really no rhyme or reason for it. I want to be free flowing like that.
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The essence of what makes life beautiful is the fact that it can go away.
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I never, nor will I, put another person down to feel better about myself. I will live and die by what I do, not what anyone else thinks about me.
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When white people eat potato chips, they're called white people. When black people eat potato chips, they're called niggas.
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Know your religion, know who you are and don't be ashamed.
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Great soul of Gandhi, cover your ears. You will not want to hear this! Listen, you inbred piece of Ku Klux Krap! You white people love to be racist, but the only races you can tell apart are Indianapolis and Daytona. I hope I am reincarnated as toothpaste, so I never have to see you again. Now take your twelve-pack of wife-beating juice and get the park out of my store!
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When it comes to my daughter, I'm a conservative. But when it comes to your daughter, I'm a liberal!
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My brain is very simple. Like when you break everything down. I see things in a simple way. And that simplicity for some reason becomes funny to other people because they don't look at it that way.
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What I say is stupid. Who takes a comedian seriously? I'm doing sophisticated knock-knock jokes.
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I'll admit it, the Holocaust was definitely a bad thing, but do we really need Jewish people around? They have big noses. I said it! I said it!
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Why did the 14-year old Mexican girl end up pregnant? Because her teacher told her to go do an essay.
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Do not encourage my behaviour.