Mark Twain Quotes
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In religion and politics, people's beliefs and convictions are in almost every case gotten at second-hand, and without examination, from authorities who have not themselves examined the questions at issue, but have taken them at second-hand from other non-examiners, whose opinions about them were not worth a brass farthing.
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Education consists mainly of what we have unlearned.
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Water, taken in moderation, cannot hurt anybody.
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No sinner is ever saved after the first twenty minutes of a sermon.
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Why is it that we rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral? It is because we are not the person involved.
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All emotion is involuntary when genuine.
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All generalizations are false, including this one.
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Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect.
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There are people who can do all fine and heroic things but one - keep from telling their happiness to the unhappy.
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Buy land, they're not making it anymore.
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It is easier to stay out than get out.
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Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits.
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The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year.
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Be respectful to your superiors, if you have any.
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To refuse awards is another way of accepting them with more noise than is normal.
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The radical invents the views. When he has worn them out the conservative adopts them.
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A man is never more truthful than when he acknowledges himself a liar.
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The more you explain it, the more I don't understand it.
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To create man was a fine and original idea; but to add the sheep was a tautology.
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The more things are forbidden, the more popular they become.
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The only reason why God created man is because he was disappointed with the monkey.
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That is a simple rule, and easy to remember. When I, a thoughtful and unblessed Presbyterian, examine the Koran, I know that beyond any question every Mohammedan is insane; not in all things, but in religious matters. When a thoughtful and unblessed Mohammedan examines the Westminster Catechism, he knows that beyond any question I am spiritually insane.
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...I was born lazy. I am no lazier now than I was forty years ago, but that is because I reached the limit forty years ago. You can't go beyond possibility.
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Everything human is pathetic. The secret source of humor itself is not joy but sorrow. There is no humor in heaven.