Mark Twain Quotes
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It were not best that we should all think alike; it is difference of opinion that makes horse races.
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A gifted person ought to learn English (barring spelling and pronouncing) in thirty hours, French in thirty days, and German in thirty years.
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India has 2,000,000 gods and worships them all. In religion, all other countries are paupers; India is the only millionaire.
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We have the best government that money can buy.
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It is just like man's vanity and impertinence to call an animal dumb because it is dumb to his dull perceptions.
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Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.
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Lord save us all from old age and broken health and a hope tree that has lost the faculty of putting out blossoms.
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Fame is a vapor; popularity an accident; the only earthly certainty is oblivion.
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Truth is stranger than fiction, but it is because Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities; Truth isn't.
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'In God We Trust.' It is the choicest compliment that has ever been paid us, and the most gratifying to our feelings. It is simple, direct, gracefully phrased: it always sounds well - In God We Trust. I don't believe it would sound any better if it were true. And in a measure it is true - half the nation trusts in Him. That half has decided it.
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All creatures kill-there seems to be no exception; but of the whole list, man is the only one that kills for fun; he is the only one that kills in malice, the only one that kills for revenge.
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Ideally a book would have no order to it, and the reader would have to discover his own.
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Laws are sand, customs are rock. Laws can be evaded and punishment escaped, but an openly transgressed custom brings sure punishment.
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The educated Southerner has no use for an 'r', except at the beginning of a word.
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Wit is the sudden marriage of ideas which, before their union, were not perceived to have any relation.
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An injurious lie is an uncommendable thing; and so, also, and in the same degree, is an injurious truth-a fact that is recognized by the law of libel.
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There are those who scoff at the schoolboy, calling him frivolous and shallow: Yet it was the schoolboy who said 'Faith is believing what you know ain't so.'
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The Public is merely a multiplied 'me.'
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There is no sadder sight than a young pessimist.
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In grandchildren I am the richest man that lives to-day: for I select my grandchildren, whereas all other grandfathers have to take them as they come, good, bad, and indifferent.
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We believe that out of the public school grows the greatness of a nation.
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But the truth is, that when a Library expels a book of mine and leaves an unexpurgated Bible lying around where unprotected youth and age can get hold of it, the deep unconscious irony of it delights me and doesn't anger me.
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It is a pity we can't escape from life when we are young.
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The wit knows that his place is at the tail of a procession.