Mark Twain Quotes
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When red-haired people are above a certain social grade their hair is auburn.
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The educated Southerner has no use for an 'r', except at the beginning of a word.
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Lord save us all from old age and broken health and a hope tree that has lost the faculty of putting out blossoms.
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The wit knows that his place is at the tail of a procession.
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But the truth is, that when a Library expels a book of mine and leaves an unexpurgated Bible lying around where unprotected youth and age can get hold of it, the deep unconscious irony of it delights me and doesn't anger me.
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France has usually been governed by prostitutes.
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An unpopular opinion concerning politics or religion lies concealed in the breast of every man; in many cases not only one sample, but several. The more intelligent the man, the larger the freightage of this kind of opinions he carries, and keeps to himself.
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Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.
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There is no distinctly American criminal class - except Congress.
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In grandchildren I am the richest man that lives to-day: for I select my grandchildren, whereas all other grandfathers have to take them as they come, good, bad, and indifferent.
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Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.
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It may be called the Master Passion-the hunger for Self-Approval.
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It is a pity we can't escape from life when we are young.
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An injurious lie is an uncommendable thing; and so, also, and in the same degree, is an injurious truth-a fact that is recognized by the law of libel.
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The Public is merely a multiplied 'me.'
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All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.
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Loyalty to the Nation all the time, loyalty to the Government when it deserves it.
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It is just like man's vanity and impertinence to call an animal dumb because it is dumb to his dull perceptions.
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Laws are sand, customs are rock. Laws can be evaded and punishment escaped, but an openly transgressed custom brings sure punishment.
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There is no sadder sight than a young pessimist.
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When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.
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You can't depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
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A gifted person ought to learn English (barring spelling and pronouncing) in thirty hours, French in thirty days, and German in thirty years.
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All right, then, I'll go to hell.