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Listen. All great literature is about what a bummer it is to be a human being: Moby Dick, Huckleberry Finn, The Red Badge of Courage, the Iliad and the Odyssey, Crime and Punishment, the Bible and The Charge of the Light Brigade.
Kurt Vonnegut -
Everybody's shaking in his boots, so don't be bluffed.
Kurt Vonnegut
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The only difference between Bush and Hitler is that Hitler was elected.
Kurt Vonnegut -
There is a tragic flaw in our precious Constitution, and I don’t know what can be done to fix it. This is it: Only nut cases want to be president.
Kurt Vonnegut -
Here is a lesson in creative writing. First rule: Do not use semicolons. They are transvestite hermaphrodites representing absolutely nothing. All they do is show you've been to college.
Kurt Vonnegut -
Never index your own book.
Kurt Vonnegut -
We're terrible animals. I think that the Earth's immune system is trying to get rid of us, as well it should.
Kurt Vonnegut -
This script, it seems to me, is the work of professionals who yearned to be as charming as inspired amateurs can sometimes be.
Kurt Vonnegut
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Derby described the incredible artificial weather that Earthlings sometimes create for other Earthlings when they don't want those other Earthlings to inhabit Earth any more.
Kurt Vonnegut -
It was an appalling thought, to be so well-integrated into the machinery of society and history as to be able to move in only one plane, and along one line.
Kurt Vonnegut -
We could have saved the Earth but we were too damned cheap.
Kurt Vonnegut -
It was Trout’s fantasy that somebody would be outraged by the footprints. This would give him the opportunity to reply grandly, 'What is it that offends you so? I am simply using man’s first printing press. You are reading a bold and universal headline which says ,'I am here, I am here, I am here.''
Kurt Vonnegut -
It is a gruesome Disneyland. Nobody is cute there.
Kurt Vonnegut -
A chaplain's assistant is customarily a figure of fun in the American Army.
Kurt Vonnegut
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The two real political parties in America are the Winners and the Losers. The people don’t acknowledge this. They claim membership in two imaginary parties, the Republicans and the Democrats, instead.
Kurt Vonnegut -
I wish that people who are conventionally supposed to love each other would say to each other, when they fight, 'Please - a little less love, and a little more common decency.'
Kurt Vonnegut -
Freedom of speech isn't something somebody else gives you. That's something you give to yourself.
Kurt Vonnegut -
We don't piss in your ashtrays,So please don't throw cigarettes in our urinals.
Kurt Vonnegut -
If I should ever die, God forbid, I hope you will say, 'Kurt is up in heaven now.' That's my favorite joke.
Kurt Vonnegut -
'This husband of yours, he’d rather have his wife a- Rather, have her-' Halyard cleared his throat- 'than go into public relations?''I’m proud to say,' said the girl, 'that he’s one of the few men on earth with a little self-respect left.'
Kurt Vonnegut
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I'm convinced that no one can amount to a damn in the arts if he becomes sweetly reasonable, seeing all sides of a picture, forgiving all sins.
Kurt Vonnegut -
During my most recently controlled near-death experience, I got to interview William Shakespeare. We did not hit it off. He said the dialect I spoke was the ugliest English he had ever heard, 'fit to split the ears of groundlings.' He asked if it had a name, and I said 'Indianapolis.'
Kurt Vonnegut -
Here lies Howard Campbell’s essence,Freed from his body’s noisome nuisance.His body, empty, prowls the earth,Earning what a body’s worth.If his body and his essence remain apart,Burn his body, but spare this, his heart.
Kurt Vonnegut -
People need good lies. There are too many bad ones.
Kurt Vonnegut