David Sedaris Quotes
-
I always think it's a good policy to like the people who like you.
-
But most good movies have a gun in them.
-
It's odd the things that people remember. Parents will arrange a birthday party, certain it will stick in your mind forever. You'll have a nice time, then two years later you'll be like, 'There was a pony there? Really? And a clown with one leg?'
-
My family isn't really all that different from anyone else's. Well, maybe they're a bit more entertaining.
-
Sometimes I say to myself, 'Oh, I wish I could win a Tony Award', although I'm not that bothered.
-
They were nothing like the French people I had imagined. If anything, they were too kind, too generous and too knowledgable in the fields of plumbing and electricity.
-
I love 'Glee.' I cry all the time when I watch 'Glee' because I don't know if it's satire or melodrama and that makes me feel like the writing is aware of itself, and that makes it okay to cry.
-
I've been keeping diaries for 27 years.
-
I like listening to books as well, as that way you can iron at the same time.
-
I don't think my life is more interesting than anybody else's.
-
I tend to show everything I do to my family, to check they won't be offended.
-
What other people call dark and despairing, I call funny.
-
I don't like being left to my own thoughts.
-
I don't have email.
-
I cry all the time when I watch 'Glee' because I don't know if it's satire or melodrama and that makes me feel like the writing is aware of itself, and that makes it OK to cry.
-
I guess my guilty pleasure would be listening to the British audio versions of the 'Harry Potter' books.
-
I haven't got the slightest idea how to change people, but still I keep a long list of prospective candidates just in case I should ever figure it out.
-
Friends always say, 'How can you eat those? I read in the paper that they're made from hog's lips.''And...?''And hearts and eyelids.'
-
People ask me, 'Have you ever considered doing stand-up?' To me it would be less offensive if someone asked me, 'Have you ever considered dental implants?'
-
I just think that the people who say: 'That's not true' when someone tells a story at dinner are the people who didn't get any laughs when they told their story.
-
I love getting attention, just like a child loves it, and it's never worn off. So when people say, oh the book signings go on, why would I shoo away someone who's giving me attention? What part of standing in line for 10 hours to say how much they love you is bad to you?
-
Because I'm both a glutton and a masochist, my standard complaint, 'That was so bad', is always followed by 'And there was so little of it!'
-
You can't kill the Rooster. You might can fuck him up a little sometimes, but you can't kill him.
-
As a foreigner in London, I like that there are so many other foreigners.