David Sedaris Quotes
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But most good movies have a gun in them.
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It's odd the things that people remember. Parents will arrange a birthday party, certain it will stick in your mind forever. You'll have a nice time, then two years later you'll be like, 'There was a pony there? Really? And a clown with one leg?'
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My family isn't really all that different from anyone else's. Well, maybe they're a bit more entertaining.
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Sometimes I say to myself, 'Oh, I wish I could win a Tony Award', although I'm not that bothered.
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They were nothing like the French people I had imagined. If anything, they were too kind, too generous and too knowledgable in the fields of plumbing and electricity.
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The word phobic has its place when properly used, but lately it's been declawed by the pompous insistence that most animosity is based upon fear rather than loathing. No credit is given for distinguishing between these two very different emotions.
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I love 'Glee.' I cry all the time when I watch 'Glee' because I don't know if it's satire or melodrama and that makes me feel like the writing is aware of itself, and that makes it okay to cry.
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I've been keeping diaries for 27 years.
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I like listening to books as well, as that way you can iron at the same time.
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I don't think my life is more interesting than anybody else's.
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What other people call dark and despairing, I call funny.
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I tend to show everything I do to my family, to check they won't be offended.
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I don't like being left to my own thoughts.
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I haven't got the slightest idea how to change people, but still I keep a long list of prospective candidates just in case I should ever figure it out.
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I don't have email.
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I cry all the time when I watch 'Glee' because I don't know if it's satire or melodrama and that makes me feel like the writing is aware of itself, and that makes it OK to cry.
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I guess my guilty pleasure would be listening to the British audio versions of the 'Harry Potter' books.
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Friends always say, 'How can you eat those? I read in the paper that they're made from hog's lips.''And...?''And hearts and eyelids.'
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People ask me, 'Have you ever considered doing stand-up?' To me it would be less offensive if someone asked me, 'Have you ever considered dental implants?'
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I just think that the people who say: 'That's not true' when someone tells a story at dinner are the people who didn't get any laughs when they told their story.
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Because I'm both a glutton and a masochist, my standard complaint, 'That was so bad', is always followed by 'And there was so little of it!'
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I love getting attention, just like a child loves it, and it's never worn off. So when people say, oh the book signings go on, why would I shoo away someone who's giving me attention? What part of standing in line for 10 hours to say how much they love you is bad to you?
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You can't kill the Rooster. You might can fuck him up a little sometimes, but you can't kill him.
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My sister Tiffany told me years ago, 'You can never write about me.' Then she called six months ago and said she wanted to be in a story. She was worried people thought I didn't like her.