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It's odd the things that people remember. Parents will arrange a birthday party, certain it will stick in your mind forever. You'll have a nice time, then two years later you'll be like, 'There was a pony there? Really? And a clown with one leg?'
David Sedaris -
My family isn't really all that different from anyone else's. Well, maybe they're a bit more entertaining.
David Sedaris
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Sometimes I say to myself, 'Oh, I wish I could win a Tony Award', although I'm not that bothered.
David Sedaris -
They were nothing like the French people I had imagined. If anything, they were too kind, too generous and too knowledgable in the fields of plumbing and electricity.
David Sedaris -
What other people call dark and despairing, I call funny.
David Sedaris -
I love 'Glee.' I cry all the time when I watch 'Glee' because I don't know if it's satire or melodrama and that makes me feel like the writing is aware of itself, and that makes it okay to cry.
David Sedaris -
I've been keeping diaries for 27 years.
David Sedaris -
I like listening to books as well, as that way you can iron at the same time.
David Sedaris
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on genders of nouns: Why refer to Lady Crack Pipe or Good Sir Dishrag when these things could never live up to all that their sex implied?
David Sedaris -
I don't think my life is more interesting than anybody else's.
David Sedaris -
I tend to show everything I do to my family, to check they won't be offended.
David Sedaris -
I don't like being left to my own thoughts.
David Sedaris -
People ask me, 'Have you ever considered doing stand-up?' To me it would be less offensive if someone asked me, 'Have you ever considered dental implants?'
David Sedaris -
I haven't got the slightest idea how to change people, but still I keep a long list of prospective candidates just in case I should ever figure it out.
David Sedaris
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Friends always say, 'How can you eat those? I read in the paper that they're made from hog's lips.''And...?''And hearts and eyelids.'
David Sedaris -
The word phobic has its place when properly used, but lately it's been declawed by the pompous insistence that most animosity is based upon fear rather than loathing. No credit is given for distinguishing between these two very different emotions.
David Sedaris -
You can't kill the Rooster. You might can fuck him up a little sometimes, but you can't kill him.
David Sedaris -
I guess my guilty pleasure would be listening to the British audio versions of the 'Harry Potter' books.
David Sedaris -
Because I'm both a glutton and a masochist, my standard complaint, 'That was so bad', is always followed by 'And there was so little of it!'
David Sedaris -
I don't have email.
David Sedaris
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I cry all the time when I watch 'Glee' because I don't know if it's satire or melodrama and that makes me feel like the writing is aware of itself, and that makes it OK to cry.
David Sedaris -
I just think that the people who say: 'That's not true' when someone tells a story at dinner are the people who didn't get any laughs when they told their story.
David Sedaris -
I love getting attention, just like a child loves it, and it's never worn off. So when people say, oh the book signings go on, why would I shoo away someone who's giving me attention? What part of standing in line for 10 hours to say how much they love you is bad to you?
David Sedaris -
To say that a humorist exaggerates to get big laughs, I don't see how that's big news.
David Sedaris