David Sedaris Quotes
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I love 'Glee.' I cry all the time when I watch 'Glee' because I don't know if it's satire or melodrama and that makes me feel like the writing is aware of itself, and that makes it okay to cry.
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It's odd the things that people remember. Parents will arrange a birthday party, certain it will stick in your mind forever. You'll have a nice time, then two years later you'll be like, 'There was a pony there? Really? And a clown with one leg?'
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But most good movies have a gun in them.
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After a few months in my parents' basement, I took an apartment near the state university, where I discovered both crystal methamphetamine and conceptual art. Either one of these things are dangerous, but in combination they have the potential to destroy entire civilizations.
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They were nothing like the French people I had imagined. If anything, they were too kind, too generous and too knowledgable in the fields of plumbing and electricity.
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My family isn't really all that different from anyone else's. Well, maybe they're a bit more entertaining.
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I just enjoy lying on the couch and reading a magazine.
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Sometimes I say to myself, 'Oh, I wish I could win a Tony Award', although I'm not that bothered.
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I don't think my life is more interesting than anybody else's.
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What other people call dark and despairing, I call funny.
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I've been keeping diaries for 27 years.
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I love getting attention, just like a child loves it, and it's never worn off. So when people say, oh the book signings go on, why would I shoo away someone who's giving me attention? What part of standing in line for 10 hours to say how much they love you is bad to you?
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People ask me, 'Have you ever considered doing stand-up?' To me it would be less offensive if someone asked me, 'Have you ever considered dental implants?'
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I guess my guilty pleasure would be listening to the British audio versions of the 'Harry Potter' books.
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I meet people at book signings. My record now, for signing, is ten and a half hours in one sitting.
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I don't like being left to my own thoughts.
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I don't have email.
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My sister Tiffany told me years ago, 'You can never write about me.' Then she called six months ago and said she wanted to be in a story. She was worried people thought I didn't like her.
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I like listening to books as well, as that way you can iron at the same time.
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Friends always say, 'How can you eat those? I read in the paper that they're made from hog's lips.''And...?''And hearts and eyelids.'
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I haven't got the slightest idea how to change people, but still I keep a long list of prospective candidates just in case I should ever figure it out.
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As a foreigner in London, I like that there are so many other foreigners.
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I cry all the time when I watch 'Glee' because I don't know if it's satire or melodrama and that makes me feel like the writing is aware of itself, and that makes it OK to cry.
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I felt uncomfortable calling myself a writer until I started with 'The New Yorker,' and then I was like, 'Okay, now you can call yourself that.'