David Sedaris Quotes
-
I haven't got the slightest idea how to change people, but still I keep a long list of prospective candidates just in case I should ever figure it out.
-
I tend to show everything I do to my family, to check they won't be offended.
-
I like books on tape, and will listen to just about anything.
-
Because I'm both a glutton and a masochist, my standard complaint, 'That was so bad', is always followed by 'And there was so little of it!'
-
I went from having 50 listeners to 50 million listeners.
-
Because I've always been a fairly nervous person.
-
You can't kill the Rooster. You might can fuck him up a little sometimes, but you can't kill him.
-
When you read comic material and people aren't laughing how do you know they're listening.
-
But I'm a humorist. I'm not a reporter, I never pretended to be a reporter.
-
Shit is the tofu of cursing.
-
Actually I liked that 'Let the Right One In,' that Swedish vampire movie.
-
To say that a humorist exaggerates to get big laughs, I don't see how that's big news.
-
Also, I used to think that one day I might get someone to iron my shirts, but the truth is I really like doing them myself.
-
There are lots of things that happen to me that I don't write about.
-
In other parts of the country people tried to stay together for the sake of the children. In New York they tried to work things out for the sake of the apartment.
-
I go to the movies at least five times a week, and after a while everything becomes a blur to me.
-
My hands tend to be full enough dealing with people who hate me for who I am. Concentrate too hard on the millions of people who hate you for what you are and you're likely to turn into one of those unkempt, sloppy dressers who sag beneath the weight of the two hundred political buttons they wear pinned to their coats and knapsacks.
-
Lovers of audio books learn to live with compromise.
-
I've been keeping a diary for thirty-three years and write in it every morning. Most of it's just whining, but every so often there'll be something I can use later: a joke, a description, a quote. It's an invaluable aid when it comes to winning arguments. 'That's not what you said on February 3, 1996,' I'll say to someone.
-
I sometimes read books on my iPad.
-
When I look at a lot of older stuff that I've written, I think one sign of amateur humor writing is when you see people trying too hard.
-
I always knew I wanted it to be illustrated.
-
I've always been very upfront about the way I write, and I've always used the tools humorists use, such as exaggeration.