Demetri Martin Quotes
Specifically in stand-up, I love jokes. I love short, structured ideas and a punchline.
Quotes to Explore
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The more I read about feeding times, sleep times and waking-up times, the more inadequate and miserable I felt.
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When I sing, people shut up.
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When you're warm and approachable, you don't have to go up and talk non-stop to someone in a social situation. You just have to be open to the conversations you're already having - and warm and receptive to the people you're meeting.
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I started playing trumpet when I was 11 years old. All I wanted to be was a jazz trumpet player when I grew up.
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I have vertigo. Vertigo makes it feel like the floor is pitching up and down. Things seem to be spinning. It's like standing on the deck of a ship in really high seas.
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Things have always sort of happened for me. Something else always comes up.
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I'm still in the Dixie Chicks; we haven't broken up... I love the Dixie Chicks; it's the most fun I've ever had in my life. It was like winning the lottery.
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I cultivated this fan base that I really didn't really understand or appreciate until I put my first headlining tour up for sale. 500- to 1,000-capacity rooms weren't an underplay for me at the time. I'd never done a tour before!
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Sometimes you can press a little bit and you're trying to do too much and you're trying too hard. You want to win so bad and you want to help the team so badly that you end up trying too much instead of letting the play come to you.
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I've never really felt like a veteran. I've never felt like the guy who's like, 'OK, everyone needs to look up to me and respect me.' I've always just been one of the guys that people are excited to get in the ring with. That's all I want.
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I dated all these girls and ended up not liking them and thought to myself, 'What was it that all of them had in common?' They had too much time on their hands. Even though they were pretty, they lacked something. A woman could be less attractive but with ambition and drive, that's the most beautiful thing.
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I grew up playing about 15 instruments and the way that I was able to accomplish that was by cutting my classes, hanging out in the band room all day, and going from one instrument to the next to the next, until I learned how to play everything by ear.
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When I was a kid, I used to make up all these characters. I love comedy a lot, and I don't get to do it often. Somewhere in the middle, I shifted into doing drama.
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I've written extensively on Queen Victoria and Queen Elizabeth and seen up close how those women, who were born when the country hoped for a male heir, made their way as leaders.
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When my phone pops up with Dierks Bentley, I'm like, 'Oh my gosh!! Okay, wait. He's supposed to be, like, my friend. I'm supposed to be cool.'
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If I have a choice between looking something up and making it up, I'll make it up every time.
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What Obamacare does is decreases choices and drives up cost.
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If you ask me what I worry about every morning when I wake up, it's that I don't understand future mainstream Internet users' habits.
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Each team's a little different, how they want to build a team. ... Certainly Pittsburgh is a scheme that works, they won a Super Bowl. If you watch their team, there are a lot of draft choices, they're real conscious about that. It remains to be seen how we'll end up doing, but we've chosen to be more aggressive in free agency.
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Often people would mistake me for white when I was younger, and I didn't correct them; there would be a period of time that they just thought I was.
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Comedy can take you a lot further in getting your point across. People are entertained, and then, by being entertained, they get your point.
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I see you around sometimes and my heart just melts. You're looking like if you had your wish, you'd be somewhere else. And it just breaks my heart to see you here this way. Someday I'll get the nerve to walk up to you and say This is the last worthless evening that you'll have to spend. Just gimme a chance to show you how to love again.
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Gold is now money with reference to all other commodities only because it was previously, with reference to them, a simple commodity.
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Specifically in stand-up, I love jokes. I love short, structured ideas and a punchline.
