Demetri Martin Quotes
I went into a clothing store, and the lady asked me what size I was. I said, 'Actual'. I'm not to scale.
Quotes to Explore
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I never was for telephones. Just don't like them, that's all. Anybody wants to talk to you, they can come to see you.
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My house looks like it was decorated by a 14-year old with a platinum American Express card.
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My mail address is open for anyone, and I read all my mails by myself.
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All of the agreed-upon pariahs throughout pop-culture history put their identities into the thing we decry. And yet we derive our own identities from the act of hating. We connect on the things we are disappointed in. Some may argue that nothing in history gathers a crowd like complaining about Lady Gaga's meat dress.
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Golf is 90% mental. Once you know how to hold the club, swing it, it's all in the mind.
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Every single administration in American political history has put cronies and pals and donors into political positions. But normally those people become the ambassador to Liechtenstein or the deputy undersecretary of commerce.
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The reason why men do not obey us, is because they see the mud at the bottom of our eye.
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It's one thing to break stuff and damage people's possessions, but when you start aiming at the ideology of America, that's dangerous comedy.
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Listening is more important than anything else because that's what music is. Somebody is playing something and you're receiving it. It is sending and receiving.
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Modesty should be typical of the success of a champion.
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Whether it's a kid in high school who doesn't have any friends and finds friends in my characters, or a guy in Afghanistan, who's trying to forget what he did that day, and trying not to think about what he's gotta do tomorrow... I give them a little bit of an escape.
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After all, what is your host's purpose in having a party? Surely not for you to enjoy yourself; if that were their sole purpose, they'd have simply sent champagne and women over to your place by taxi.
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I've never taken myself too seriously.
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'Happiness is a Small Politician' - my mantra then and forever more.
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I don't like your I-can-use-anything-as-an-adjective attitude.
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He who does not value life does not deserve it.
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Fiction can show you a different world. It can take you somewhere you've never been. Once you've visited other worlds, like those who ate fairy fruit, you can never be entirely content with the world that you grew up in. Discontent is a good thing: discontented people can modify and improve their worlds, leave them better, leave them different.
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In my career, I really set out not to develop too strong a persona so that you wouldn't have a hard time imagining me in any given role. I wanted to pleasantly confuse the audience on who I was.
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I think, when you become a politician, if you talk about religion too much, you're pandering or something.
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To understand the world, you must first understand a place like Mississippi.
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I set the goal of getting a book contract by age thirty.
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Imagine that we didn't know the chimpanzee, that all we knew were those bonobos who have sex all the time and are peaceful and female-dominated and that people would say that this is our only close relative. I think we would have totally different theories about ourselves and our background. But, of course, it didn't happen that way.
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You know, you are not born with a soul. You earn it with suffering, hard work and prayer. Which hopefully you did last night.
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I went into a clothing store, and the lady asked me what size I was. I said, 'Actual'. I'm not to scale.
