Dennis Miller Quotes
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We should fight to preserve a country where people such as Michael Moore get to miss the point as badly as he misses it. Michael Moore represents everything I detest in a human being.
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I'm one of the more pessimistic cats on the planet. I make Van Gogh look like a rodeo clown.
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The first half-dozen or so will be nice, but after that, I'm going to want a pro. (Referring to the Muslim concept of achieving 72 virgins upon arrival in heaven).
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Never have lives less lived been more chronicled.
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I'm like Bush, I see the world more like checkers than chess.
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Human beings are human beings. They say what they want, don't they? They used to say it across the fence while they were hanging wash. Now they just say it on the Internet.
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I think the American legal system sucks worse than a Celine Dion cover version of 'Whole Lotta Love.'
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The average American's day planner has fewer holes in it than Ray Charles's dart board.
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What is guilt? Guilt is the pledge drive constantly hammering in our heads that keeps us from fully enjoying the show. Guilt is the reason they put the articles in Playboy.
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There's nothing wrong with being shallow as long as you're insightful about it.
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Most Americans will let liberals and conservatives play their games because most Americans don't pay attention.
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Then people ask me if I'm worried about the effects of global warming on my kids. Well, obviously I love my kids and I want them to live to be a 100. So that's another 1.8 degrees. My kids’ kids? Three point six. I'll just tell them we moved to Phoenix.
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At one time, Washington actually meant something. But now, it's about as relevant as Bob Dylan's tuning fork.
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President Bush gave his first-ever presidential radio address in both English and Spanish. Reaction was mixed, however, as people were trying to figure out which one was which.
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The man who accused Richard Simmons of slapping him in an airport has dropped the assault charge. Dropped it! Upon hearing the news, Simmons sadly responded, 'You mean I'm not going to prison?'
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The White House looked into a plan that would allow illegal immigrants to stay in the United States. The plan called for a million Mexicans to marry a million of our ugliest citizens.
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'The Death of Common Sense'.
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The current tax code is harder to understand than Bob Dylan reading Finnegans Wake in a wind tunnel.'
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Just put down 9/11... I think, on most things I'm liberal, except on defending ourselves and keeping half the money. Those things I'm kind of conservative on.
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Now, I don't want to get off on a rant here, but guilt is simply God's way of letting you know that you're having too good a time.
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I lapsed into rude.
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Two wrongs may not make a right, but a thousand wrongs make a writer.
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Somebody can say they don't understand why somebody drifts. But I've always found people who drift interesting, 'cause it shows me the game's not stagnant in their own head. They're thinking.
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I rant, therefore I am.