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I've had a pilot every single year that didn't sell for the past four years, that'll smack you in the back of the head. I had a really good one last year; I wouldn't have done the play in New York if I had gotten that one.
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I never went to camp as a kid. I couldn't get into an Ivy League school. I wouldn't join a biker club.
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I've never not felt relevant.
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It's still a soft R, but when I watch other people's standup, I'm dumbfounded that people call me dirty. That's only because I did family television.
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I have a couple of jokes that are politically oriented, but it just sickens me to do them.
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I think things just happen to people. That's healthier, I feel, than believing there's some grand scheme where your story is already inscribed in the Book of Life. Books get rewritten.
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I just did a play in New York which has been my best experience that I've had for maybe ever. It was Paul Weitz's play called Privilege and I was in New York for three months.
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If you laugh at that, you lower the bar, and I will limbo under it because I am a fucked-up guy!
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There's just something about the audiences in Detroit that I've always felt connected to. Detroit is different.
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My confidence wavers between being genuine and being insecure.
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25, 30 years ago, that meant something, they were making some money. And they were doing all sorts of comedy, screaming at the audience, basically crowd control. And then there was the whole urban comedy scene.
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Yet there are some people - Steve Allen would dissect comedy forever; he's a really funny guy, but he would love talking about comedy. I'm doing it right now and you all seem bored.
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Paul Riser tells it in an interesting way; he dissects it and tells the structure, you know, 'you don't mention that part here.' But that's what's interesting about it and the people who are absent are interesting too.
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Now I've literally become neighborhood watch. I call 911 on people. I'm the old man driving 25-miles-per-hour down Sunset.
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When you've seen a lot of bad stuff and just want to enjoy your life and be happy and have your kids happy and have your friends happy, you just have a value system where it raises the bar on what's important.
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I love performing. I love the people. I sound like Liza Minnelli right now, don't I?
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What I have now are good problems of trying to decide and what I really want to do is good work next. My phone's ringing a lot more and I've got nine lines so when it doesn't ring, it's very frustrating.
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There was this whole middle time that only Chris Rock came out of, you know, 10 years ago it was Chris and a few other people, but that's about it. Chris is in a class of his own; I don't see another comedian who I put in high regard as him.
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I have nine compartments in my brain, and four of them don't stop.
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Comedians' first ten minutes usually stay with them the first several years of their career. It's their mission statement. Their disclaimer that lets people know who they are. Or were. It's also a good time to make fun of your name if you have a funny or strange one.
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When you're famous, you're always famous. It doesn't go away.
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I don't call her my middle child, I call her my center child, Because the world revolves around her.
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Like with any good art form, if you can entertain people and make them think, it's an honor. It's just an honor to be a comedian.
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People ask me what my favorite episode of Full House is; it was the last one!