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I think half the people who get married now have met online. If I think about all the people in my life who married - they met online, online, online. And it makes sense if you think about it, because you fill out this form of 35 things that really define you and - bam - look, you've got two people who match. It works.
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Every single moment is a coincidence.
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Fondue sets, martini shakers and juicing machines: three things the world could live completely without.
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The universe hands you opportunities for a while, and if you don't take them, the universe says to itself, 'Oh I see, this person doesn't like opportunities' and stops giving them to you.
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The harder you try to become the opposite of your parents, the more quickly you become them.
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Birds are a miracle because they prove to us there is a finer, simpler state of being which we may strive to attain.
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Doug's Law: 'You can have information or you can have a life, but you can't have both.'
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You pretend to be more eccentric than you actually are because you fear you are an interchangeable cog.
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If you're not a tree hugger, then you're a what, a tree hater?
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The Internet has destroyed irony in the world, or at least wounded it considerably. What are we to do about an invention whose end result is that starving people in China are looking up things on marthastewart.com?
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The future and eternity are two entirely different things.
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We are a dreadful species indeed, and deserve whatever it is our techno-baubles do to us.
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If cats were double the size they are now, they'd probably be illegal.
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You spend a much larger part of your life being old, not young.
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Every human being you see in the course of a day has a problem that's sucking up at least 70 percent of his or her radar.
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The two of you start talking about your feelings and your feelings float outside of you like vapors, and they mix together like a fog. Before you realize it, the two of you have become the same mist and you realize you can never return to being just a lone cloud again, because the isolation would be intolerable.
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Most people have no idea how to politely answer a phone. The English do, and it's been their only major business advantage for the past two centuries.
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Where does personality end and brain damage begin?
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In 2008 we came perilously close to killing money, exposing in the process how out of date money's infrastructure has become.
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Most of us have only two or three genuinely interesting moments in our lives; the rest is filler.
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I told Ethan that I speak in an unrestricted manner to animals - things like, aren't you just the cutest little kitty... that kind of thing, which I wouldn't dream of doing to humans. Then I realized I wish I could.
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Once you establish a look, and once everybody recognizes that look as your look, you never have to think about fashion again.
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We have to count. I want to be part of history. I want a Wikipedia page. I want Google hits. I don’t want to be just a living organism that comes and goes and leaves no trace on this planet.
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We are at the vanguard of adolescent protraction.