Mallory Ortberg Quotes

Eighty per cent of my output is 'Mallory clowns on the Western canon,' and I'm happy to be that person.

Mallory Ortberg

• Happy
• Person
• Eighty

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Quotes to Explore

• If I'm playing with Ozzy it's just a guitar thing. But with the vocals I feel like I'm studying for the SATs.

  

  Zakk Wylde Black Label Society
  • Guitar
  • Just
  • Studying

• Mike Pence not only knows the Capitol. He knows the players in the House and the Senate. He knows how the committee system works. But he also knows all the governors. And so that really brings a unique talent to the picture.

  

  Jack Kingston
  • House
  • Picture
  • Unique

• Although it's the hub of the nervous system and the ultimate terminus of every nerve, the brain itself lacks enervation and therefore cannot feel pain.

  

  Sam Kean
  • Pain
  • Brain
  • Feel

• I was looking at my Instagram, and someone said to me, 'Who manages your Instagram?' I would never let anyone manage my Instagram! I enjoy it.

  

  Kate Hudson
  • Me
  • Enjoy
  • Looking

• Take motherhood: nobody ever thought of putting it on a moral pedestal until some brash feminists pointed out, about a century ago, that the pay is lousy and the career ladder nonexistent.

  

  Barbara Ehrenreich
  • Career
  • Mom
  • Moral

• Religion is essentially the art and the theory of the remaking of man. Man is not a finished creation.

  

  Edmund Burke
  • Art
  • Man
  • Religion

• You do not have to dramatize everything. In fact, you usually can't, not without ending up with a half-million-word novel.

  

  Nancy Kress
  • Up
  • You
  • Without

• Working with Bruno Mars would be really awesome. I'm such a fan of his, and I love that he's a real artist.

  

  Becky G
  • Real
  • Love
  • Artist

• I've been playing old parts forever. I play 93 quite often. When you've done it more than once, you take the hint. I think it's a great burden if you're one of those fantastic stars who've always been beautiful; then I think it's hard.

  

  Maggie Smith
  • Great
  • Done
  • Beautiful

• I love the truth. Tell the truth and live the truth, because we've seen enough lies and look what it's doing.

  

  Waris Dirie
  • Live
  • Truth
  • Lies

• The best way to catch my attention is to throw a Twinkie near my face.

  

  Patrick Carney The Black Keys
  • Attention
  • Best
  • Face

• We never broke up. As long as I'm living and as long as Chuck D is living, Public Enemy is always going to be alive.

  

  Flavor Flav
  • Up
  • Long
  • Never

• I'm street smart. You can't con me. But that's just from living in New York. Now if a guy came from Mississippi somewhere, Ohio somewhere, to New York City for the first time, he don't have the street smarts. You can take him.

  

  J. B. Smoove
  • Time
  • Guy
  • City

• I was born and grew up in Fitzgerald, way down in south Georgia. It was a mill town and my family ran the cotton mill. My grandfather was mayor many times and my family felt deeply rooted to that spot.

  

  Frances Mayes
  • Up
  • Family
  • Down

• I had written in another draft a completely different kind of fight, but they said they couldn't afford to shoot it. They needed a fight scene, though, so I was told to put a fight scene in, but not the one I had written.

  

  Dana Carvey
  • Different
  • Kind
  • Fight

• Remember: You are the common denominator in all your relationship problems. Wherever you go, your pesky repeated issues go - until you shed a blazing light of insight upon them.

  

  Karen Salmansohn
  • Remember
  • Light
  • Relationship

• Hollywood used to control the distribution; now Silicon Valley does.

  

  Dana Brunetti
  • Control
  • Now
  • Hollywood

• The voters in District 8 shared our vision that Washington is broken, and we're going to go up there and fix it.

  

  Dan Webster
  • Up
  • Vision
  • Broken

• I played sports. The acting thing was just a direct blessing from the Lord, because I lost my discipline to play sports, and I had this really cool professor grab me and kind of take me under his wing, and the ball just started rolling. Another professor introduced me to my first agent, and the next thing you know, I got to start doing films.

  

  Omar Benson Miller
  • Lost
  • Cool
  • Sports

• I enjoyed the whole process of learning and was always happy when autumn came and school or college started up again.

  

  Claire Tomalin
  • Up
  • School
  • Happy

• I had been playing for about a year and a half when the Beach Boys formed. When our folks went to Mexico on business, we would take the food money they had left us and we would rent instruments.

  

  Carl Wilson
  • Money
  • Business
  • Food

• If I have to choose between an omnipotent God who leaves the world in this condition, and a God who has only a little bit of power but really cares and tries to make things better, I'll take you every time. Go on playing God, Hyrum. You're not bad at it. Sometimes you kind of get it right.

  

  Orson Scott Card
  • Time
  • World
  • God

• A deadline is negative inspiration. Still, it's better than no inspiration at all.

  

  Rita Mae Brown
  • Inspiration
  • Deadline

• Eighty per cent of my output is 'Mallory clowns on the Western canon,' and I'm happy to be that person.

  

  Mallory Ortberg
  • Happy
  • Person
  • Eighty