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A government full of Democrats would rather have you be a Republican, and a government full of Republicans would rather have you be a Democrat, than have you oppose both.
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I watch what I eat every day. I mean, who actually eats with their eyes closed?
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The only way to get under me is to get over yourself.
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What's love if not the thing you'll do anything and everything to get back once lost? What's hate if not the thing you'll do anything and everything to get rid of once found?
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I imagine the life of an atheistic praying mantis to be rather torturous.
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Comedy is only as stupid as you are smart.
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Love becomes logically true when lost but still sought from the same source.
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Dear disgruntled artists: the key to success isn't kicking down the door; it's building your own.
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I write my own quotes. Except this one. I obviously stole this from somebody really clever.
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True friends: only a few have 'em, but only a few will admit that they don't.
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Technology forced me to divorce a pixie and remarry a pixel.
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You might not be able to stomach it, but as long as you can mind it, your heart will be all right.
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Don't hate me 'cause I'm booed a fool!
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Chuck Norris doesn't need to understand the work of James Joyce; James Joyce needs to understand the work of Chuck Norris.
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Individuality or Unity? I say there's room for both.
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I'll take a redrum with a rellik please.
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Some people put up a peace sign with one hand. Some people put up the middle finger instead. I use two hands and put up both.
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Don't hate the word, playa; hate the dictionary.
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Get tough: don't work under pressure; work over pressure.
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He has your finger, but I have your heart.
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I wonder: when a Jehovah's Witness dies and goes to Heaven, does God hide behind the door and pretend He's not home?
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As much as it hurts, I would rather miss someone than hit someone.
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Just because you're upfront with someone doesn't mean you're an honest person; you might just be someone in the passenger seat.
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Just because you're scarred for life doesn't mean you should be scared to live.